Doubting Thomas

In the New Testament, we learn about the life of Christ, and of His Apostles. We hear of the miracles that Christ performed, and of the lives He touched. We learn lessons of love and service to others through His parables, and we learn to accept others through His ministry. We see the attributes of His Apostles... unwavering loyalty from Peter, and the unconditional love of John. But what do we hear of the Apostle Thomas?

The Gospel of John gives us the most information about Thomas. In John 11:16 the Apostles were hesitant to go back to Judea, where the Jews had attempted to stone Jesus. But Thomas, showing his devotion and love for Christ, says, "Let us also go, that we may die with him." He speaks again in John 14:5. Christ had explained that He was going away to prepare a heavenly home for His followers, and that one day they will join Him there. Thomas reacts by saying, "Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?" Thomas wants to follow the words of Christ, but he was afraid that without Christ, he would not know what to do. He is loyal. He knows and loves Christ.

But we don't remember this about Thomas. What we do remember, is that Thomas was a doubter, and poor Thomas really gets put through the ringer for it.

 

Last summer, I performed with my Young Single Adult Stake for the work of "Lamb of God". Thomas is one of the main "characters" in the story, and there is a song, sung by Thomas called "Sometime We'll Understand". Here are some of the words from that song:

You've seen the Lord? You've seen Him risen? You've seen His hands, and touched His side, and you are certain? But I've not seen him. and I must see him. Until I've seen His wounded side, until my hands have felt His hands, I will not know, or yet believe...

 

Can you really blame Thomas? I can't. If I were in his shoes, I would have been just as skeptical... not because I don't believe that Christ is Divine, and the Son of God, but because the emotions and fear that I would have felt, seeing my Savior crucified, would have rattled my brain. Hard. So my friends telling me that they had seen Him... I simply would not have been able to believe it.

Does that make Thomas any less loyal? No. Does it make Thomas any less faithful? No. Does Thomas deserve to be remembered as a doubter? Absolutely not.

I love the Gospel. It is everything to me. But I doubt. I wonder about things. I wonder about many, many things. I wonder about the role of women in the Church. I wonder about what the Church says about the LGBT community. I wonder about everything. I doubt everything. Most of these doubts resolve themselves. Most of them are resolved because I "doubted my doubts". But not all of them.

Thomas doubted. But he was not shunned. He was not made to be less than the other Apostles. He was not told to "believe or else". He was accepted. He was welcomed into the fold. There was a place for him, because Christ made a place for him.

Christ Atoned for our us. He felt the struggles and pain we feel every day. He has felt the weight of the questions and uncertainty we bear. He knows the emotional turmoil we feel coming from all directions. He knows the skepticism, the hesitation, and sometimes outright disbelief that we feel in our day to day lives.

But Christ loves us. And just as He made a place for Thomas, He made a place for you and I too.

Searching The Scriptures

I said in a post a couple of days ago that I was having some trouble searching the Scriptures to help make everything easier. Part of it definitely was me trying to search for comfort while my heart and mind were filled with animosity. The other part of me genuinely had no idea where to begin to look. But this morning before I started work, I was sitting at a table with my scriptures open in front of me, and I said a silent prayer for the Lord to stay close to me, and to help me find comfort and strength from His words.

I got a bit more than I was bargaining for.

I was pleasantly surprised that I found a lot of comfort from the Old and New Testaments. I think as Mormons, we sometimes overlook the value of the Bible, because we lean so heavily on the Book of Mormon (not that thats a bad thing). But I felt like I was really able to increase my knowledge of the Old and New Testaments by finding these scriptures.

Old Testament:

•Joshua 1:6-9 – I think my favorite verse is verse 9. Be strong, be brave... The Lord is there.

•Psalm 23 – Everyone knows this one... The Lord is my shepherd. One of my favorite scriptures of all time... (I have a pretty fantastic story about this scripture that I might have to share one day)

•Psalm 25:16-22 – This one deals a lot with forgiveness, but forgiveness goes hand in hand with compassion, comfort, and love.

•Psalm 27 – Trust in the Lord. Confide in Him.

•Psalm 30:5 – "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." While I've cried for almost 2 weeks, joy will come. Eventually.

•Psalm 31 – "In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness." Another one of my very favorites. 

•Psalm 46:1 –  God is our refuge and strength. 

•Psalm 147:3-5 – Heavenly Father knows each of us personally. He understands our own individual trials and pains, and He will lift us up and bind our wounds.

•Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord, He will not lead you astray.

•Ecclesiastes 3 – There is a time and place for everything. Anger and Happiness alike.

•Isaiah 26:3 – Trust in the Lord with perfect peace.

•Isaiah 49:13 – The Lord will comfort His people. He will have mercy upon His afflicted.

•Jeremiah 31:13 – The Lord will comfort me, and turn my mourning into joy.

New Testament:

•Matthew 11:28-30 – Come unto me, and I will give you rest.

•John 14:1-2 – The Lord has a place for me. He knows my needs.

•John 14:18 – The Lord will not leave me comfortless.

•John 14:27 – "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you."

•John 15:17-20 – Love one another.

•Romans 8:31 – If God be with us, who could be against us?

•Romans 12:10-21 – There's simply no better scripture to teach you to get along with your fellow man.

•2Corinthians 1:3-4 – Heavenly Father will be merciful and comforting through our trials.

•Colossians 3:12-17 – People sometimes refer to this as Paul's secret to happiness.

•2Thessalonians 2:16-17 – Heavenly Father will give us everlasting hope and comfort.

•Hebrews 11 – With faith, we can work miracles.

Book of Mormon:

•1Nephi 1:20 – The tender mercies of the Lord are over those He has chosen, through their faith.

•1Nephi 3:7 – I will do the things the Lord commands of me, and I will have no fear, for He will provide a way.

•1Nephi 9:6 – The Lord knows all things, and has the power to fulfill His words.

•1Nephi 20:10 – The Lord will build me up, and will help me be the best person I can be.

•2Nephi 2:2 – My trials will be to my good.

•2Nephi 2:25 – Adam's transgression in the Garden allowed for me to come to this earth. While I will always feel pain, I will always feel joy.

•2Nephi 26:28 – None are forbidden to take part of God's goodness. All are alike unto God.

•2Nephi 31:3 – The Lord will give me guidance personally, so that I can learn, and know His love.

•Mosiah 18:8-9 – Easily one of my most favorite scriptures. It brings a tear to my eye every time :)

•Alma 7:11-12 – Christ's Atonement, and infinite love for us.

•Alma 31:26-35 – Alma pleads with the Lord for strength and patience

•Alma 36:3 – Whoever trusts in God will be supported in their trials.

•Ether 12:4 – Hope comes from faith.

•Ether 12:27 – Grace is sufficient for all who humble themselves in their weaknesses.

•Moroni 10:32 – Love God with all your might, and protect yourself from all ungodliness, and His grace will be suffucient. 

There were some wonderful talks from General Conference and the Ensign by Russell M. Nelson, Gordon B. Hinckley, and Jeffery R. Holland.

All in all, I don't feel a whole lot better, but I'm getting closer. 

 

Its the end of the world as we know it

Its been way too long since I've updated this bad boy... so here goes nothing I suppose...
The last 6 months have been long. Really long. Mostly has been good. But some things have just been interesting all around.
So... my job sucks. On an epic scale. Apparently its ok to cut hours from 30 to 15, suddenly and without any warning. So yeah. I need to find a new job before I kill people. Or wither away from starvation.
I fell in Love. Yep. I said it. I fell in love with the most amazing, beautiful girl in the world. Her name is Melissa, and she's amazing. She's LDS, and she served a mission in 2006-2007 (wow that makes me young... I was 16, and a junior in high school). I love that she is so spiritual... we talk about her mission, or the Gospel almost daily... its one of my favorite things about her. She's living in Utah County currently, but she's moving to SLC soon (more on that later). She has a dog named Maggie Mayhem, and she lives up to her name daily, and I've yet to meet the crazy beast :) I've fallen completely, head over heels in love with her. I can't explain it... the why and how... but it's there, and nothing has ever felt this good, and this right in my entire life. And we're going to move in together... we're looking for places as we speak. And I can't wait to hold my beautiful girl in my arms every night for the rest of forever.
I sang in a stake choir/orchestra group last month. We performed Rob Gardner's "Lamb of God". And it was absolutely amazing and inspiring. I gained a stronger testimony of the Saviour, and of His Atonement. It changed my life. And it has also (possibly) changed my major back to music. Yeah... I'm 3 semesters away from graduating, and now is the time that I have my epiphany. This is going to be interesting to say the least. Sigh.
I have nothing else to report... its 4:15, and I need to at least attempt to get some sleep tonight... insomnia sucks...