27 July 2013

11 Reasons Why Men Don't Need The Priesthood

  1. A man's place is in the Army.
  2. The pastoral duties of men who have children might distract them from the responsibility of being a parent.
  3. The physique of men indicates that they are suited to such tasks as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be "unnatural" for them to do ministerial tasks.
  4. Man was created before women, obviously a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment rather than a crowning achievement of creation.
  5. Men are too emotional to be elders or high priests. Their conduct at football and basketball games demonstrates this.
  6. Some men are handsome. This will distract female worshipers.
  7. Bishops and Stake Presidents need to nurture their congregations. But this is not a traditional male role. Throughout history, women have been recognized as not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more fervently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.
  8. Men are prone to violence. No really masculine man wants to settle disputes except by fighting about them. Thus, they would be poor role models as well as dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.
  9. The New Testament tells us that Jesus was betrayed by a man. His lack of faith and ensuing punishment remind us of the subordinated position that all men should take.
  10. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep sidewalks, repair the church roof, or perhaps even lead the song service on Father's Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the church.
  11. Men don't need the priesthood. They have fatherhood.


  1. I don't know you, so I don't know if you're joking it jot, but this is awful. Sure, women are seen as more nurturing, but men are supposed to be the patriarch of the family. Read about the relationship between Adam and Eve.

  2. Joking or not*** sorry.

  3. Yes, I am joking. These are not meant to be taken literally. It's satire. I used these figurative analogies to show how absurd some of the reasons and excuses for women not having the priesthood are. Believe it or not... every single one of these (in there application towards women of course) are things that I have heard as real reasons.

  4. To the above Anonymous Commenter: Duh. *smh*

  5. So, do you believe woman should have the priesthood or do you just want people to stop trying to reason as to why we don't right now because most of the reasons are ridiculous and patronizing?

  6. I'm advocating for people to cut the crap and stop with the patronizing excuses. Which is why I wrote this post to be sarcastic and humorous. While I believe that women are more than worthy and capable of holding and exercising the priesthood, I am not actively advocating for women to be ordained. If Church policy changes about women and the priesthood, and I'm worthy to receive it, then I'll gladly hold it. Until then, I'm more than willing to let the men shoulder the weight, while I advocate for full gay rights in the Church

  7. #9 actually got me to lol! that was great!

    1. I wrote #9, because I'm a convert to the LDS Church from Catholicism. The idea of original sin because of Eve's transgression never sat we'll with me. So this was my little bit of retribution :)

      Glad you like it! I've had A LOT of negative feedback because people don't know how to take a joke! I had fun writing it.

  8. Funny stuff! And a great counter to all the "reasons" women don't hold the priesthood. In my opinion those common phrases are mostly people scrambling for answers and coming up with excuses. When really the only REAL REASON it is a policy is because: that is the way God has asked us to do things!

    That reason might even change in the future! But for now that is all the reason I need.

    Also I laughed. Because wow all of these are flawless. Thank you.

    1. Believe it or not... You are one of the coveted few who realized that this is meant to be a joke. You are one of the few that didn't fly off the handle and call me names.

      Thank you for that :)

    2. @ Suzanne: God has never asked us to do things this way. The GAs have assumed that God set it up this way because that's all they have ever known so it must be eternally ordained. Unfortunately, their historical understanding of the way in which families have 'traditionally' functioned doesn't extend beyond the upper class Edwardian model and was reinforced by the post world war II cultural models immortalized by Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver.

      @The Noncommittal Philanthropist: This is very funny and spot on. Thank you!

  9. You rock!! (and I'm not being facetious). That was hilarious. :)

    P.S. You do hold the priesthood. (Maybe you already knew that.)

  10. This was so great. Love it.

  11. I love this! I wish I'd seen it sooner. It's perfect.

  12. HAhahahah!!! #4 was GREAT!!! Anyway, I DO know what the word satire means so I know you were just poking fun at the topic and the answers you've heard through the years.

    How about this answer for ya: When Adam & Eve were cast out of the Garden, the Holy Ghost baptized and gave the Holy Ghost to and ordained Adam to the priesthood. Adam in turn ordained other worthy men. The simple answer is this - since the time Adam & Eve left the Garden, God gave that responsibility to men and not to women. That's how it's been since day one and that's the way it will always be. End of story.

    However, being a priesthood holder or not is ALMOST a catch 22. If you've ever studied the Oath & Covenant of the Priesthood (and I'm sure you have) and truly understand it, it SHOULD scare the crap out of you. You have 2 choices if you are a man. Get the priesthood or don't. If you do, then you are faced with 2 choices once again. Magnify your calling and serve your fellow man or don't. Choice 1 you get all the blessings listed OR choice 2 will get you this:

    D&C 84:41 But whoso breaketh this covenant after he hath received it, and altogether turneth therefrom, shall not have forgiveness of sins in this world nor in the world to come.

    So in other words, if you slack off even a little, you're screwed. But here's the catch 22. Back to the original choice of deciding to get the priesthood...you DON'T have a choice. If you unwisely decide you'll forgo the hassle and work and responsibility that is inherent with being a righteous priesthood holder, THIS is what awaits you:

    42 And wo unto all those who come not unto this priesthood which ye have received...

    How does that sound to you? WO!!! That's what you get if you are not ordained to the priesthood! Eternal damnation. So in reality, if you are a male living on planet earth you have 1 and only 1 choice when it comes to the priesthood. Get your life in order to receive it and become a righteous priesthood holder. Not a lackadaisical priesthood holder, not an OK priesthood holder, not a good or even great priesthood holder, but an EXCEPTIONAL priesthood holder. That is your only option if you have any hope for a bright future for your eternity.

    I'm almost 50 now. I remember when Bishop Robinson interviewed me for the Melchizedek priesthood 30 years ago like it was yesterday. Why? Because as we sat in his office and read the Oath & Covenant together, he made absolutely sure I understood the blessings and responsibilities that went with that Oath. He did an impeccable job too. I did understand and I was scared to death. Still am if I ever really stop and think of it from that perspective.

    Here's the last thought I'll leave you with. Suppose you are the world's most renowned heart surgeon. Then one day you find out you need a heart transplant. Does the fact that you are a heart surgeon do you even one bit of good?

    1. Spencer,

      with all do respect to your belief on this subject - this is a particularly tough part of Mormonism for me to swallow. The kind of God you describe is almost incomprehensible to me in his exactitude and expectation of exceptionally flawed human beings (men specifically as you refer to the oath and covenant of the priesthood). The way I view it, you seem to describe a God who, somewhat, seemingly mercifully creates a plan of salvation for his multitudinous children, about 100 Billion at this point born in the world, setup a set of rules and commandments for them to live by in order to gain salvation, including some very specific and 'excellent' magnification of priesthood ordinances, then reveal this priesthood to approximately less than .00001% of human beings ever to have lived on the earth, and then judge those .00001 per cent on how well they kept an oath and covenant which maybe no more concrete in their minds than the any other basic perception or evidence of reality, and then judgement exceptionally harshly for being 'slacker' priesthood holders when they may have trouble being faithful to something so seemingly outlandish. Honestly I'm trying to be respectful of your very orthodox LDS belief however this is representative of the kind of view of the apparant way of God that, if true, sounds like a pretty $h!tty system. Maybe I'm missing something here and I apologize in advance but honestly what you put forward is a growing insensitivity to the realities of life that is such a turn off for many within the fold and further causes people to say, 'this isn't what I signed up for.' or 'If this is the God we have, I choose not to worship him.' And seemingly with good reason.

  13. I'm glad you enjoyed the satire... 99% of Church members apparently don't have a sense of humor. So thanks for being cultured, and being a part of the 1%.

    According to Brigham Young, and all the other Prophets and Apostles up to President Spencer W. Kimball, blacks would never receive the priesthood. Since the time of Adam and Eve, Cain's transgression caused his prosperity to be cursed with dark sin. Now... we believe in the 2nd Article of Faith that states, "We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression." (and I believe it's safe to extend this to Cain as well), and yet we (as the Church) we holding anyone of African descent accountable for Cain's transgression. But because that's how it's been since day one that's the way it would always be. End of story. Until 1978 of course.

    I can see how being a priesthood holder can be a catch 22... and being a priesthood holder does intimidate me. I can be honest about it. But I am willing to bear the burden because I absolutely believe that I am worthy to bear it. And there are millions of worthy women in this Church, who are willing and able. Challange and potential adversity don't scare me away. And they shouldn't scare away the men who hold the Priesthood.

    If anything... that there should be reason enough to ordain women (in a purely logical sense that is). There are women are lining up, and begging to be ordained. But how many young men are apathetic? How many young Aaronic priesthood holders (and the brethren of the Melchizedek priesthood) just don't care? There are women in the Church who want this desperately.

    When you say that if a priesthood holder slacks off, even a little, they're screwed. I can't believe that. We aren't Catholic. We don't believe in spending almost eternity in Purgatory because we "almost" we righteous enough. Everyone will be exhaulted. Everyone will be saved. That's the point! It's the Plan of Salvation, and the Plan of Happiness. While it's amusing to say that you have Eternal Damnation for holding the priesthood (because seriously... so do primary teachers and organists/pianists), you will be blessed. You will be blessed! YOU WILL BE BLESSED!!!

    I am willing and able. So many women are!

    And if I were a heart surgeon, in need of a transplant... sure... I can't operate on myself. But I will be able to make educated decisions. But like with the priesthood... as a priesthood holder can you give yourself a blessing?

    1. Ellen, so you are asking me if a priesthood holder can give himself a blessing, correct? The answer is no, he cannot. That was the point of the analogy with the heart surgeon. If the prophet himself becomes ill and desires a blessing to be healed he could not anoint himself with oil, then seal the anointing and lay his hands on his own head to give himself a blessing. He would either call his home teachers or he could call his Bishop or maybe his 2 counselors to come give him the blessing. The priesthood that one holds is only there to bless other people. Within the family unit that has been ordained of God, the husband and father holds the priesthood and is to provide temporally and spiritually for his family. The wife and mother stands right by his side with her major roll to raise children. (I know it sounds very Beaver Cleaver but that is the ideal. We both know that reality can look very different.) That is why each family unit, be it a traditional family, a single parent home, etc is assigned 2 Melchizedek priesthood holders as Home Teachers. If a single mother or one of her children needs a priesthood ordinance performed or any type of blessing, then she will have direct access to the priesthood, Personally, I believe women are generally more spiritual than men and would probably make better priesthood holders than men. Maybe that's why Heavenly Father has given men the responsibility of exercising the priesthood. To give them a kick in the butt as a reminder to love and serve our fellow brothers and sisters on this earth.
      As far as restrictions that have been placed on who is able to hold the priesthood, it has always been severely limited. If I had lived in the days of Moses and was wandering around the Sinai desert, no matter how personally righteous I was, I NEVER could have held the priesthood and performed any of the sacrifices in the tabernacle. Why? (see 2nd half of my reply below)

    2. According to my Patriarchal blessing, I am of the tribe of Ephraim. At that time, and up until Jesus ordained the 12 apostles, ONLY worthy males from the tribe of Levi could be ordained to the Aaronic priesthood. In other words, worthy men from ANY of the other 11 tribes of Israel were just out of luck. That's why it's also called the Levitical Priesthood. Then it was available to men from all 12 tribes. Then it was eventually available to worthy Gentiles. As far as why black males were not ordained you need to read the Official Declaration 2 in the D&C. Then you'll need to study elsewhere also. However, you make an excellent point as to each of us being responsible for our own sins. Again, I will leave you with another, not analogy per se, but an example where the children were punished for the sins of the fathers. Matthew 27: 24 When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it.
      25 Then answered all the people, and said, His blood be on us, and on our children.
      So here are the ancestor of the modern day Israelis, or Jews if you prefer, asking for the innocent blood of our Saviour to be "upon them, and their children." And this is what happened to their descendants. 3 Nephi 16: 8 But wo, saith the Father, unto the unbelieving of the Gentiles—for notwithstanding they have come forth upon the face of this land, and have scattered my people who are of the house of Israel; and my people who are of the house of Israel have been cast out from among them, and have been trodden under feet by them;
      9 And because of the mercies of the Father unto the Gentiles, and also the judgments of the Father upon my people who are of the house of Israel, verily, verily, I say unto you, that after all this, and I have caused my people who are of the house of Israel to be smitten, and to be afflicted, and to be slain, and to be cast out from among them, and to become hated by them, and to become a hiss and a byword among them
      So what did Jesus say would happen to the Jews? How has the world treated Jews throughout history even until today? Have they been smitten, afflicted, slain, cast out? What happen to them in WWII? And why has this happened to them? Their ancestors crucified their Saviour. So you tell me, why have the Jews been persecuted throughout history based on what their "fathers" did 2000 yrs ago? Just something to think about. Let me know what you come up with, ok?

  14. Referring back to the original post....
    Satirical? - obviously.
    Humorous? - debatable. To me, not at all.
    Misdirected? - without a doubt.