Life in perspective

I went and volunteered at Primary Children's Hospital today. After my Institute class at the U, a few of the Phi girls were going over, and invited me to join them. So we practiced some Primary Songs, and some Brighton Girls Camp songs, and then we headed over there. We went and met 11 year old, Kaliee and her mom and dad, and we played the songs. 

Afterward, we heard about what had happened. Kaliee was swinging on a hammock, which was suspended from hollow, brick pillars. The pillars collapsed, and the bricks came down on Kaliee's head, giving her a traumatic injury to her brain, which left her paralyzed from the neck down. She was an athlete, played the piano... and all that has been taken from her. She has a really hard time speaking... she can form the words in a whisper, but she can't get the sound out yet. Everything has been taken from her, and her life hasn't really even started yet. But the amazing thing is... she was so positive. She is sad that she can't play sports, or the piano anymore... but she loves to sing, and she's focusing on that. And it made me realize... yes, I have a torn ACL. Yes, wearing that brace sucks. But I complain about it constantly. How I can't play softball for a season. How I can't go up and down stairs like normal. How I can't get in and out of a car like normal. How the brace is uncomfortable, how I'm missing ski season... She's never going to recover from this. She is paralyzed for the rest of her life. And I'm in recovery for the next 6-12 months. She's not complaining. And that's all I've been able to do for the last 2 days. 

She put my life into perspective real quick. Life is so short... too short for her. She deserves better, and I'm going to keep going to see her. She's amazing.

And on another happy note, I have been made an honorary member of the Phi Chapter of Lambda Delta Sigma. pretty awesome if you ask me :) It pretty much made my whole day. Because I was going to rush with them this fall, but because they closed the organization, I won't be able to. So Michelle, the closing president, has made me an honorary member. And its awesome. :) I belong to something. 

And The Results Are In....

Well I went to the doctor yesterday. And the verdict is in... I have a torn ACL and a severe MCL sprain. This is what the inside of your knee looks like... :D

Now the part in the blue is your ACL ligament, and the one in green that you can barely see is your MCL ligament. They are 2 of the 4 major ligaments that hold your knee together. And these ligaments, the ACL in particular, is what gives your knee stability... it allows me to make quick cuts, and turns, and everything while playing sports. After tearing it though, I can feel everything being very unstable... its almost like I can feel it wanting to buckle out from under me. Which is bad...

So I went to the doctor yesterday. They took a CT scan, but it wasn't clear enough to see exactly what was going on in there, so they took an MRI scan. The MRI confirmed that I tore the ACL, but they still aren't sure if it needs surgery, so they put me in this big huge brace (see picture below) and are waiting to see if it starts healing on its own, and if it does, I won't be needing any surgery. Which would pretty much be the greatest thing in the entire world. But while I was there, the doc told me that if I would have rotated any farther when I did this, I would have torn the MCL too. Which is kinda nuts. But the recovery time is anywhere from 3-12 months... it all depends on how well I stick to the rehab, and to everything the doc tells me. Which means I'm gonna need Tess's help so I don't cheat. Because in the last 36 hours, I've done alot of cheating. And thats no good. Because I know I'm done with softball for the summer, and fall. But I could possibly be ready for ski season, if I'm ready to go by 6 months... by 6 months, it'll be January/February, and that'll leave the last half of the season. I am hoping that I can make that deadline... because in the winter, all I do is go to school, go to work, and ski. I rock the ski bum look!!!

But anyways... this is what I'm going to be stuck with for the next couple of months, and then a lot of PT, and everything else... 

But, I'm making ski season this year baby! Ski season 2011-2012! YEAH!!!

Well, there goes the rest of my summer. And fall. And Winter...

We had a softball game Tuesday. Exciting stuff. Til I got up to my first at bat, and tore my ACL. I had a couple of flexibility tests done on it that night, and I need to get a CT/MRI to confirm it, but we're pretty certain that it's torn, or at the very least, a severe strain. So I'm on crutches til Monday at the very very earliest. And then 6 months of recovery, if I don't have to have any surgery, and up to a year if I do. So softball is over. Skiing is most likely over. :( Everything that makes me, me, is done. At least for the next 6-12 months...

I'm afraid of relationships... relationships of any kind... friends, family, boys... anything. Because everyone has let me down... especially family. Everyone I had ever cared about, and stuck my neck out for, has left without a look back. Missy was the biggest one. I cared like crazy. And she knew everything about me... and then out of the blue, she was done with me. Done. Over. The same thing is happening with Christine right now. And I'm afraid that its going to happen to Tessie. Because she told me the other day that I'm her best friend. And every best friend I have ever had, has cut me off for bigger and better people. I really like Tess... she's a really great person, and she treats me like a person that's worth something. I just can't be let down by one more person...

I feel like the giving tree...

The tree loves that boy so much. Whatever the boy wanted, the tree gave it. And the boy takes, and takes, and takes until all that's left is a stump. And thats how I feel... I love people so much... especially Missy... that I give and give and give, until I'm just a stump. And I just keep giving... and keep getting left behind.