D-Day Plus 10

I find it really ironic that my break up coincided with June 6th, D-Day. So now... in the aftermath of my break-up/divorce/whatever you want to call it, I can count the day's as D-Day Plus 1, 2, 3. It makes me a mega nerd, but it's effective in keeping track of the days.

Last night really sucked. I couldn't sleep and Maggie refused to lay anywhere near me... which put a wrench into the whole theory that if she cuddles with me, then I won't feel so lonely and cold in my big empty bed. And it would have worked, if she wouldn't have been acting so anti-social. Trust me when I say that Maggie is a very... friendly... dog. Meanie dog face just wanted to hang out with Bridey... Traitor.

So now I'm sitting at work, and its slow, and I have too much time on my hands to think about everything I don't want to think about. Like all the dirty, nasty sex that probably happened on the other side of the Wasatch. Who in their right mind would want to be thinking about the love of their life having sex with another woman?? Certainly not me, and yet... here I am.

*cue the cane yanking me off the stage.*

On the good side of life... the one I haven't seen in what feels like a year... I got a new job! I am the newest employee with American Express! I had the interview on Thursday afternoon, and after telling me that I would find out by the next day, my interviewer called me back to extend the offer after about an hour... needless to say, I think they like me a whole lot :) And the salary is quite nice... I don't feel comfortable saying how much it is, but I'm making roughly double of what I've been making the last 2 years. And that's significant. I'll finally be able to go to the eye doctor and get new glasses with the stronger prescription I've been needing for the last year. I'll be able to update my wardrobe. I'll be able to buy a reliable car. Get some real furniture... So yeah... I'll be living like a normal human being, rather than a starving college student for the first time since I moved from Defiance.

AND... they have an on-site fitness center. So I'll finally be able to start losing weight, and getting back into shape without spending money I don't have, on a gym membership that I'll be too lazy to use. Now all I'll have to do is go to work an hour early, or leave an hour late... It'll be easy. No problem. Don't get me wrong... I'm still lazy, and I'll still not want to go more often than not. But at least I won't be wasting any money, and I won't have any excuse to say that its too far, or that I don't have time, because it's at my work. Piece of cake. Hopefully I'll be able to get a workout buddy, so I can't skimp out on it. :)

So... I'm a huge World War II buff... I absolutely love it. And I own a lot of World War II movies... Band of Brothers, Saving Private Ryan, Windtalkers, Flags of Our Fathers, Valkyrie, Letters From Iwo Jima, Saints and Soldiers, and U-571. Plus a bunch of other war movies from other wars. I'm looking for suggestions on other good movies (and books... I'll never say no to a good book) that I should look into.

Ok, I'm bored. And my shift ends in about 30 minutes, so I should probably go and do the things that I'm being paid to do.

Au revoiur!

Are Y'all Getting Sick Of Me Yet?

I know I'm posting a lot. And I'm sure y'all are getting really annoyed with it. I can understand... I'm ranting and raving, and feeling sorry for myself. I get it. But I do better when I get all the venom out of me, so that when I do bite, it only stings for a little bit, instead of slowly poisoning you to death.

Tonight is the first night where I have slept alone... And I haven't slept alone for about 10 months now. I don't know how to sleep without a warm body next to me. I have Melissa's dog Maggie, which helps, and she's being so good curled up next to me. But it's not the same. Nothing's the same. 

I'm alone. And not just in my bed tonight, but in the world. I am alone. I don't have family. I don't have a ward in Church. I don't have anyone. Normally it doesn't bother me to be this alone, because its been this way for so long. But then I met Melissa, and everything changed for me. I was happy again. I was putting down roots. Everything came together. 

Until it fell apart.

Hopefully Maggie won't mind if I kiss the top of her head all night...

More of Maggie's Mayhem

I had to go to the bank yesterday... It was only about a mile walk to and from, so I decided to take my dog, Maggie with me. She was great on the entire walk... Except she doesn't really grasp the concept of walking beside me, or walking in front of me. She instead will walk directly in front of me, and slow down, which results in me stepping on her heels. Then she gets mad at me, and nips at my heels.

*sigh*

But that's not the point of this. We walked up to the bank, and was just going to use the ATM, but apparently this branch is super dog friendly, so they let us come in and just go to the counter. Maggie was great, and the teller even gave her 2 dog biscuits because she was so good. So I had her do some tricks... Sit and shake. She's a ham, and an absolute attention whore, so I am convinced that she was doing it for all of the attention, rather than the treat.

Guess what she did with it after we walked outside?

She buried it.

Right there in the flower beds. With the entire bank staff watching (and laughing) as well as plenty of normal, everyday pedestrians going about their daily business.

I just laughed... What else could I do. I tried to dig it up and give it to her. She just reburied it. I tried to give her the second one... But she buried it too. And she looked just so proud of herself, with the dirt in her beard, and smeared all over her face. Her expression was, "Look Mom!! Look how smart I am!" Yeah... A smart ass.... :)

That's my dog for ya... Just a day in the life.

Here's the damage:

Updated Doggie Name List

In addition to "Dog Face", "Bat Ears", and "Bad Maggie" on the doggie name list, this new namesake has been added:

"Puppy Killer"

On her walk this afternoon, she encountered a puppy. And the puppy was smelling her hoo-hah, and she wasn't havin' any of that...

Bad Puppy Killer. Bad.

BTW, she now has her own twitter account, to broadcast all of her evil doings. Follow it up, y'all. @Maggies_Mayhem. And I'm @ellenkoester. Obviously.


*DICLAIMER* Maggie didn't actually "kill" the puppy... She just got really angry at the puppy. "Puppy Killer" just sounds so much cooler.......

Maggie Mayhem

Some of you may know her from the movie "Whip It" (brilliant movie, if I do say so myself... And Ellen Page is HOT!) However, I know Maggie Mayhem, as my dog. She is also referred to as: The Beast, Dog Face, Bat Ears, Deer Legs, and "Bad Maggie". You can obviously see how horribly her name suits her.

This is Maggie: (I'm writing this on the iPhone app... Not sure if they're going to show up or not). She is a 2 year old Border Collie-Aradell (sp?) mix. She's hyper, sheds like a maniac, and is FAR too smart for her own damn good. Technically, she's Melissa's dog, she got her after her dad passed away 2 years ago. But we're practically an old married couple now, and I've decided to adopt her as my own. I question that decision everyday.

The stories are never ending... There's the one about where she eats underwear... Or the one where she likes to drink out of the tub. Or the time where she laid down in the middle of 700 East in Salt Lake City (an extremely busy street). And then the time where she insisted sleeping on our bed... So Melissa and I put her bed on top of ours. (See picture below). She also has severe separation anxiety, and follows us around like a shadow. And the endless barking. Then there was the time that Melissa gave her a hair cut in the bathtub. Then the day we came home from work, and she had escaped from the bedroom, into the kitchen. No clue as to how that was accomplished. Countless stories of car rides (Melissa has a short cab pickup... Yeah...). She tries to chase cars while on walks... But only certain ones. She practically refuses to eat dog food, but then looks at us when we're eating with this sad puppy dog face saying, "But guys! This isn't fair! You're starving me to death!" Melissa and I read her thoughts and narrate them. She has a southern hick accent, by the way... We think it suits her nicely. She has this silent bark thing... and she is quite talkative without actually barking. And last, but not least, is that she enjoys licking things... Particularly boobs.

We even made a list! A list of things that are NOT for puppies. (note: this list is compiled of things that she has already done, and has been told NOT to do, touch, get into, etc.)

The List:

Dr. Pepper
Slingshots
Fortune Cookies
Countertops
Shoes
Burritos
Raw Meat
Lotion
Hamburger Helper
Laundry Baskets
Plastic Bags
Barking
Chocolate
Barking
Toilet Water
Underwear
Pizza
Goldfish
Backgammon
Hot Dogs
Trash Cans
Posters
Ellen's Boobs
Ellen's Legs
Ellen's Food
Ellen's Bed
Ellen's Face
(List is added to almost everyday)

I only have 3 simple rules...
1. Don't lick Ellen's face.
2. Don't eat Ellen's food.
3. Don't sleep on Ellen's bed.

Do you see a trend?

I have hair everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I can't escape it! No matter what I try on. And when I pull clothes out of the dryer, half the lint catcher is filled with Maggie hair. It's taking over the house!! I pull hair out of my mouth multiple times a day. It's driving me insane.

Now, you're probably thinking, "Wow... She's a bitch. This dog can't really be that bad."

She is.

Have you ever seen "Marley & Me"? Cute movie. Absolutely love it. Maggie is like Marley. But worse. But Melissa and I are like Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson (Melissa is Jennifer... HOT). We really do love her. Like ought now... She's laying on the bed (my side... So I can't stretch out my legs...), and snoring. She's adorable. Not hyper, not jumping on me, not licking me face... She's being good. And honestly, on the mornings that Melissa goes to work early, and I'm still in bed, she's a great cuddler. :)

There ya have it folks! You've officially met my dog. Want to hear more? Let me know... I could go on, and on, and on, and on, and on.............