It's A Beautiful Day

I went to church today for the first time today in almost a year. I attended a family ward, which was already a bit out of my element, since I've only attended singles wards. My new friend Corey, who I met through Mormons Building Bridges, invited me to attend her ward. She knew that I'm looking for an inclusive ward, and boy, did she deliver!!

Sacrament meeting was great, and Sunday School was good too... The teacher is a high school science teacher, so his lesson was actually instructing. If I would attend this ward regularly, his class would be the one I would attend. But it was Relief Society that really sealed the deal.

It started off with at least 5 people coming to introduce themselves to me before the lesson started. And because the ward is pretty small, everyone knew who I was by the end of the lesson. The lesson was on Elder Jeffery R. Holland's most recent General Conference talk, "Lord, I Believe". I couldn't have asked for a better lesson topic on my first day back. When I introduced myself, I openly admitted to being gay... I kind of use it as a litmus test... But it opened the door to me being able to bear my testimony, and say that I have my doubts and my questions. And that's ok. It's ok for me to be scared, and unsure. It's allowed me to say that I would rather be at church, even if I'm not in the "right" ward. It allowed me to open up and say why I'm "test driving" wards. It allowed me to be honest about myself, and not be scared of the reactions from people.

And I felt welcomed. For the first time in a very long time. I was uplifted, and I learned something new, and I made a new friend. I felt the Spirit strongly and clearly. And I would feel comfortable in this ward. Most likely. It's hard to tell because I haven't met the Bishop or his counselors yet, but I think I may have found a good ward. I am excited. Honestly excited.

Searching The Scriptures

I said in a post a couple of days ago that I was having some trouble searching the Scriptures to help make everything easier. Part of it definitely was me trying to search for comfort while my heart and mind were filled with animosity. The other part of me genuinely had no idea where to begin to look. But this morning before I started work, I was sitting at a table with my scriptures open in front of me, and I said a silent prayer for the Lord to stay close to me, and to help me find comfort and strength from His words.

I got a bit more than I was bargaining for.

I was pleasantly surprised that I found a lot of comfort from the Old and New Testaments. I think as Mormons, we sometimes overlook the value of the Bible, because we lean so heavily on the Book of Mormon (not that thats a bad thing). But I felt like I was really able to increase my knowledge of the Old and New Testaments by finding these scriptures.

Old Testament:

•Joshua 1:6-9 – I think my favorite verse is verse 9. Be strong, be brave... The Lord is there.

•Psalm 23 – Everyone knows this one... The Lord is my shepherd. One of my favorite scriptures of all time... (I have a pretty fantastic story about this scripture that I might have to share one day)

•Psalm 25:16-22 – This one deals a lot with forgiveness, but forgiveness goes hand in hand with compassion, comfort, and love.

•Psalm 27 – Trust in the Lord. Confide in Him.

•Psalm 30:5 – "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." While I've cried for almost 2 weeks, joy will come. Eventually.

•Psalm 31 – "In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness." Another one of my very favorites. 

•Psalm 46:1 –  God is our refuge and strength. 

•Psalm 147:3-5 – Heavenly Father knows each of us personally. He understands our own individual trials and pains, and He will lift us up and bind our wounds.

•Proverbs 3:5-6 – Trust in the Lord, He will not lead you astray.

•Ecclesiastes 3 – There is a time and place for everything. Anger and Happiness alike.

•Isaiah 26:3 – Trust in the Lord with perfect peace.

•Isaiah 49:13 – The Lord will comfort His people. He will have mercy upon His afflicted.

•Jeremiah 31:13 – The Lord will comfort me, and turn my mourning into joy.

New Testament:

•Matthew 11:28-30 – Come unto me, and I will give you rest.

•John 14:1-2 – The Lord has a place for me. He knows my needs.

•John 14:18 – The Lord will not leave me comfortless.

•John 14:27 – "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you."

•John 15:17-20 – Love one another.

•Romans 8:31 – If God be with us, who could be against us?

•Romans 12:10-21 – There's simply no better scripture to teach you to get along with your fellow man.

•2Corinthians 1:3-4 – Heavenly Father will be merciful and comforting through our trials.

•Colossians 3:12-17 – People sometimes refer to this as Paul's secret to happiness.

•2Thessalonians 2:16-17 – Heavenly Father will give us everlasting hope and comfort.

•Hebrews 11 – With faith, we can work miracles.

Book of Mormon:

•1Nephi 1:20 – The tender mercies of the Lord are over those He has chosen, through their faith.

•1Nephi 3:7 – I will do the things the Lord commands of me, and I will have no fear, for He will provide a way.

•1Nephi 9:6 – The Lord knows all things, and has the power to fulfill His words.

•1Nephi 20:10 – The Lord will build me up, and will help me be the best person I can be.

•2Nephi 2:2 – My trials will be to my good.

•2Nephi 2:25 – Adam's transgression in the Garden allowed for me to come to this earth. While I will always feel pain, I will always feel joy.

•2Nephi 26:28 – None are forbidden to take part of God's goodness. All are alike unto God.

•2Nephi 31:3 – The Lord will give me guidance personally, so that I can learn, and know His love.

•Mosiah 18:8-9 – Easily one of my most favorite scriptures. It brings a tear to my eye every time :)

•Alma 7:11-12 – Christ's Atonement, and infinite love for us.

•Alma 31:26-35 – Alma pleads with the Lord for strength and patience

•Alma 36:3 – Whoever trusts in God will be supported in their trials.

•Ether 12:4 – Hope comes from faith.

•Ether 12:27 – Grace is sufficient for all who humble themselves in their weaknesses.

•Moroni 10:32 – Love God with all your might, and protect yourself from all ungodliness, and His grace will be suffucient. 

There were some wonderful talks from General Conference and the Ensign by Russell M. Nelson, Gordon B. Hinckley, and Jeffery R. Holland.

All in all, I don't feel a whole lot better, but I'm getting closer.