Utah State Senate Testimony Session

Today I attended an after hours "session" of the Utah State Senate. There were about 40 members of the Utah House and Senate present, and more than 300 people present representing the LGBT community and their loved ones. This was the first public conversation between our state's legislators and the Utah LGBT community where they had an opportunity to meet people in our community, and to see us as constituents rather than a charade of smoke and mirrors.

I was asked by Equality Utah to prepare a statement to read at the session. In the end, I wasn't chosen to testify at the meeting, but being there to hear the testimonies of the courageous men and women, as well as the reactions of the legislators, meant the entire world to me. To see the tears from Senator Luz Robles, and Representative Jen Seelig, and to hear the sincere words of love and community from these men and women. 

The highlight of the evening for me, was Lieutenant Governor Spencer Cox. This man had to leave in the middle of the meeting to give a speech at a conference downtown. No one would have thought less of him if he didn't come back... hell, no one could have possibly known if he would have had enough time to come back. But he came back to listen to us. And that has left a lasting impression on me.

At the end of the meeting, I was able to meet Lt. Gov. Cox. He came up to myself and the woman I was speaking to, to introduce himself personally. He had tears in his eyes as he expressed his regret that he had to leave, and miss out on our stories. It was at this moment, that I pulled out my typed testimony from my bag, and I handed it to him. I told him that there was no greater respect he could have shown to us than to come back to the meeting. It proved that the conversation was important enough for him to come back and understand. 

I could not have asked for a more understanding group of men and women to share my experiences with. Because I didn't have the opportunity to testify publicly, I'm publishing my prepared testimony here. People need to hear our stories and our experiences. No one should live in fear in this state. Ever.
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My name is Ellen Koester. I’m 24 years old, and I consider myself to be a pretty normal person. I play the piano, ride a motorcycle, and make the world’s best spaghetti and meat sauce. I take my dog for walks, I spend way too much time on Facebook, and I only ski on the best snow on earth. But simply, I’m me! I’m a full time student, a lesbian and, most importantly, I am an active Latter Day Saint.

In 2009, I was a 19 year old freshman attending Southern Utah University in Cedar City, Utah. I was a newly baptized member of the LDS Church, and at semester’s end, I started looking for housing and employment off campus. I soon found that my bishop was a landlord with apartments for rent, and my stake president was looking for another employee for the summer. Both welcomed me with open arms, and I considered myself to be a responsible tenant and a hard working employee.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew that I was gay, but when I joined the Church, I became hesitant and scared to tell other people. But one day, about a year later, I decided to confide in a roommate about the struggles, and feelings of internal contention I was having. My roommate was less than compassionate, and the next day I received a call from the bishop letting me know that the apartment I had called home would cease to be home in 48 hours. The next day, when I went into work, I was immediately pulled into my supervisor’s office, and told to pack my things.

I was blindsided. I felt betrayed, because I had not violated the contract of my lease, nor had I violated any workplace policies. When I started looking into the legality of what had happened, I was certain that I would find protection in the Civil Rights Act, and in laws passed by the state. But where I found protection for race, color, sex, religion, national origin and disability, I found that protection of sexual orientation was nowhere to be found. I was 20 years old, and I was completely alone.

In the Gospel of John, in chapter 13, verse 34 we read these words, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you.” From these words we learn that because we are all children of God, we are to love each other, and see each other as if we were looking through God’s eyes. From the official Church website, mormonsandgays.org, we hear Elder Quentin L. Cook say, “[L]et us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love, compassion, and outreach to those and lets not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle as a result of their feelings about their own gender. I’m sorry, I feel very strongly about this as you can tell. I think it’s a very important principle.”

Senators, I want to thank you for the time you have spent here today, and for coming together with our community to find love and understanding. It is only by standing together that we will find great opportunity for tomorrow.

I Am Free At Last - Marriage Equality For Utah

It happened. I honestly didn't think that this would happen while I was still in my twenties, or even in my thirties... and I certainly never expected it to be within the year that DOMA was struck down.  But after years of fighting and getting ourselves out there... showing that we are normal members of society and that we have the same capacity to love and cherish a spouse and raise beautiful children, Utahns have gained the right to get married in the state that we love. Judge Robert J. Shelby, District Judge for the United States District Court for the District of Utah wrote in his 53 page decision, "The state’s current laws deny its gay and lesbian citizens their fundamental right to marry and, in so doing, demean the dignity of these same-sex couples for no rational reason. Accordingly, the court finds that these laws are unconstitutional."

Couples are lined up at city hall in Salt Lake County, Davis County, and Cache County. Seth
Anderson and his husband Michael Ferguson were the first couple to be married, and in early reports it looks like over 200 liscences have been issued. Salt Lake City Mayer Ralph Becker has announced that he will stay all night if nessessary to perform marriage ceremonies.

Seth and Michael

 

Mayer Ralph Becker

 

I am so proud of my city!! I am proud to be a citizen of this great state.

The state of Utah has already filed an appeal from the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals, and filed for an immediate stay of the ruling. As far as I'm able to see... a stay has not yet been granted, but we'll see if one comes through tomorrow morning. While it's disapointing, it was certainly expected. I hope and pray that the pathetic reasons that are being argued in support of discrimination, will be swept aside. And if they do stand, I hope they refuse to issue marriage liscences to couples who are no longer of child bearing age, and refuse to allow couples to have children, when they won't follow "responsible procreation" or be raised in "optimal child rearing enviornments".

When I heard the news, I was sitting at my desk at work, and immediately after I read the message from a friend alerting me of the news, I started crying. Tears streaming down my cheeks, and a huge smile spread across my face. I'm sure I looked like a fool. But it was one of the most monumental moments of my life.

The Church has also made a statement after the announcement, "The Church has been consistent in it's supporter of traditional marriage while teaching that all people should be treated with respect. This ruling by a district court will work its way through the judicial process. We continue to believe that voters in Utah did the right thing by providing clear direction in the state constitution that marriage should be between a man and a woman and we are hopeful that this view will be validated by a higher court"

 

 

One day I hope that the Church I love so much will one day recognize the words of our Savior, quoted from John, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." It is also my hope that the leadership reads the declaration given by Joseph Smith on August 17, 1835 in the 134th section of the Doctrine and Covenants. Verse 4 reads, "We believe that religion is instituted of God; and that men are amenable to him, and to him only, for the exercise of it, unless their religious opinions prompt them to infringe upon the rights and liberties of others..." Verse 9 reads, "We do not believe it just to mingle religious influence with civil government..." We are a Church that has faced discrimination in the past, with a extermination order issused against us. We know, more than many religious and civil groups, the bitter sting of discrimination under the law.

Today, I am recognized as normal. I will be able to call my (one day) wife, my wife! I won't have to call her my "partner". Partner has always felt cold, distant, and not real. Now I can say I'm "married" without it being a lie. I'll be married rather than being eternally engaged to my girlfriend. I am now protected by law... laws without any pretty exceptions that they have to put in there so that people cannot deny me a home, or employment solely based on my sexuality.

I am free. No one can cage me now.

And The Lord Sayeth to His Disciples... Vote For Abi!

So... I don't normally do this... but eff it... doing it anyway.

My friend Abi Harrison is a comedian. And she competes against boys... because she's awesome. Right now, she is the ONLY girl, and is up against 29 other guys.

And she's in 3rd place. Because she's awesome. Duh.

So help a girl out! She's hilarious, and we need her to win. It's going to launch her career into high gear, and we need more women in comedy. You can only vote once a day, but you can vote everyday til next Monday. She's Mormon... but this ain't your BYU Mormon comedy. Vote for Abi!!

Here's her entry video, and the link to vote.

Here's some of her other awesomeness...

Affirmation Talk

On my journey to accepting myself as a gay Mormon, all of my pillars crumbled with the revelation of my sexuality. I lost friends, I lost family, and for a while, I lost the Church. I lost everything. The only pillar that remained was God... my Heavenly Parents. Prayer, the temple, and the Scriptures were what got me through those hard times.

I really took advantage of the healing power of the Atonement... but not because I had sinned. The Atonement is for all of God's children. It's not just for sinners, and a lot of people forget that. The Atonement applies to everyone. It applies if you sin... it applies if you are in pain, it applies if you are in sorrow, it applies if you're straight, and it applies if you are gay. It applies if you are a member of Church, and it applies if you aren't. The Atonement of Christ is everything.

The Book of Enos from the Book of Mormon, was by far my greatest strength. In the first chapter, we read of Enos, and the struggle he had before God. He was concerned about his eternal life, and his soul hungered and he knelt before God in prayer and supplication of his soul. He prayed all day and night.

And then came a voice from Heaven saying, "Enos, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou shalt be blessed." Enos knew that God could not lie, and his guilt was swept away. He asked God how this could have been done, and God replied, "Because of thy faith in Christ, whom thou hast never before heard nor seen. And many years pass away before he shall manifest himself in the flesh; wherefore, go to, thy faith hath made thee whole." Enos heard God, and he felt that his brethren needed to hear these words, and he prayed to God for them.

Enos and I are mirrors of one another. I knelt in prayer, and I paced my bedroom, praying over and over again. And one day, while in the temple baptistry, I heard God. He confirmed His love for me. He lifted me up in my hour of need. He lifted me above the scorn I felt from the world, and from the children in His Church. And once I could stand on my own... once I could again bear my burdens, I turned to pray for my fellow brothers and sisters. I turned to help them. Gay, straight, Bisexual, Transgender... I prayed for them all. I go out to live Christ's true love, and to bestow it on those who need it the most. 

This is why I stay.

 

I'm Speaking At Affirmation!

Yep! You heard it! I'm speaking at the Affirmation Conference on September 13-15 in Salt Lake City, Utah. I'm participating with one of the workshops on Saturday morning (Sept. 14) titled: Restoring Our Relationship with the Restored Church and Gospel. John Gustav-Wrathall will also be presenting, as well as a few others who have yet to be announced. I will also be featured in Daniel Parkinson's presentation, God's Affirmation, which highlights people's stories of receiving personal revelation, and inspiration of God's affirmation of our orientation, and our lifestyles.

If you have't registared for Affirmation yet, DO IT! Here's the link to the registration website.

I personally am really excited to attend the conference (it's my first one!), and obviously am humbled that John has asked me to participate. So come on out!! You won't regret it!

"Why Are You Mormon?"

"Why are you Mormon?" I get this question a lot... And I get it from both sides of the aisle. From the left, I'm asked, "Why are you Mormon? Why do you put up with being called a sinner? Why do you affiliate with a church that hates you and belittles you?" From the right, I'm asked, "Why are you Mormon? Why do you continue to affiliate with this Church when you refuse to follow the words of the Prophets? Why do you continue to sin? You obviously don't understand what the Gospel means."

Some people on the left believe that because I am a Mormon, it makes me less of a lesbian. Some people on the right believe that because I am a lesbian, it makes me less of a Mormon. Both are wrong. I'm gay. I'm Mormon. I make no apologies for that. And I am not ashamed of who I am.

You want to know why I'm Mormon? I'm Mormon because I want to be. I'm Mormon because it makes me a better person. I'm Mormon because I follow the word and teachings of Christ. I'm Mormon because I believe it's what God wants for me. I'm Mormon, because nothing the Church does or says could make me want to leave. I'm Mormon because it's true. 

I'm not leaving. I cannot deny what I know to be true. So take that, and if you disagree, you can shove it where the sun don't shine.

I Got To Be A Missionary Today

A woman came into my store at work today, and asked if she could ask me something a little personal. I said sure, because I'm an open book, and if she asked me something especially obnoxious or offensive, I could simply ask her to leave. She asked me if I was Mormon, and I said yes. And she asked me to help her understand what we believe, because she was having a hard time understanding how we call ourselves Christian. (She's a Southern Baptist, and I work at a ski resort so we get a lot of people from out of state, and out of the country, where the Church has a lot less presence.)

I thought about it for a second... what could I say to her to help her have a better understanding of the Gospel? So I testified of Christ. For the first time ever, I have testified of Christ. To someone other than the people in church at fast and testimony meeting. I testified of His divine birth, and His ministry. But more than anything else, I testified of His saving Atonement... because that is arguably the most important event in religious history. I told her that while we are nicknamed the Mormons, and the Mormon Church because of our belief in the Book of Mormon, our official name is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Christ is the center of our faith, and the center of our testimonies. I testified of the Book of Mormon as another testament of Jesus Christ, and that it isn't as crazy and far out as it can seem. I testified of Joseph Smith, I testified of revelation. 

She asked me to explain the Godhead, and what happens when we die. She asked me about the temple, and while I couldn't tell her much, I was able to tell her enough for her to understand. I then asked her if she was planning on going down into Salt Lake City while she's here on her vacation, and she said yes. So I gave her directions to get to Temple Square, and told her to write down questions to ask the missionaries.  

It felt a little weird... I never had an opportunity to serve my mission, so I've never done "real" missionary work. But it was fulfilling, because I could feel the Spirit. I was able to testify of truth, and I was able to help answer her questions, and help her understand what we believe. 

My missionary service wasn't rescinded when my call was taken away. My patriarchal blessing says, "There are significant purposes and circumstances where you will provide very valuable assistance in accomplishing the work of The Lord." 

Maybe this is my mission.

A Most Pleasant Surprise

After posting my "coming out" story, I've had a lot of good reception. I have yet to have someone call me a degenerate, or sinner, or whatever. Which is a relief. For the most part, I've had people thank me for telling my story, because we change hearts and minds by showing people that we are just like everyone else.

But today, I had a pleasant surprise.

Katie Seibert was my "arch-nemesis" growing up in school. She was one of the popular kids. And while I had plenty of friends, I certainly was not a stereotypical "popular kid". If you would've asked me 6 years ago if Katie was my friend, or if I was Katie's friend, I would have laughed openly in your face.

Today, I opened my computer at work, and logged onto Facebook for a little bit, and I heard the little *ding* that tells me that someone had sent me a message. It was Kait. She had read my blog, and was apologizing for how she treated me in school. My heart warmed at what I was reading. I had never heard a more sincere statement in my life. She felt bad for making me feel different.

I forgave her. Not because I had been mad at her, or that she had hurt me, or even that what she did was wrong, but deserved to hear it from me. She reached out to me, and was humble enough to say that she had done something wrong, and she deserves that from me. And I wanted to give it to her. It also turned out that we have so much more in common than we ever would've thought 6 years ago. We talked about our lives since high school, and I think that we might be friends now... like real life friends.

I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me. Having her come to me and want to reconcile differences, gives me hope that one day, I will have that reconciliation with my parents and my siblings. She's not the only one who has come to me, and wanted to be friends again... Kait, Sophie and Anthony have been the most recent, and I've still retained friends from high school who saw me for who I was, and not how I acted. It gives me hope that my family will come around. But until then, its one person at a time. And I'm ok with that.

Maggie Mayhem

Some of you may know her from the movie "Whip It" (brilliant movie, if I do say so myself... And Ellen Page is HOT!) However, I know Maggie Mayhem, as my dog. She is also referred to as: The Beast, Dog Face, Bat Ears, Deer Legs, and "Bad Maggie". You can obviously see how horribly her name suits her.

This is Maggie: (I'm writing this on the iPhone app... Not sure if they're going to show up or not). She is a 2 year old Border Collie-Aradell (sp?) mix. She's hyper, sheds like a maniac, and is FAR too smart for her own damn good. Technically, she's Melissa's dog, she got her after her dad passed away 2 years ago. But we're practically an old married couple now, and I've decided to adopt her as my own. I question that decision everyday.

The stories are never ending... There's the one about where she eats underwear... Or the one where she likes to drink out of the tub. Or the time where she laid down in the middle of 700 East in Salt Lake City (an extremely busy street). And then the time where she insisted sleeping on our bed... So Melissa and I put her bed on top of ours. (See picture below). She also has severe separation anxiety, and follows us around like a shadow. And the endless barking. Then there was the time that Melissa gave her a hair cut in the bathtub. Then the day we came home from work, and she had escaped from the bedroom, into the kitchen. No clue as to how that was accomplished. Countless stories of car rides (Melissa has a short cab pickup... Yeah...). She tries to chase cars while on walks... But only certain ones. She practically refuses to eat dog food, but then looks at us when we're eating with this sad puppy dog face saying, "But guys! This isn't fair! You're starving me to death!" Melissa and I read her thoughts and narrate them. She has a southern hick accent, by the way... We think it suits her nicely. She has this silent bark thing... and she is quite talkative without actually barking. And last, but not least, is that she enjoys licking things... Particularly boobs.

We even made a list! A list of things that are NOT for puppies. (note: this list is compiled of things that she has already done, and has been told NOT to do, touch, get into, etc.)

The List:

Dr. Pepper
Slingshots
Fortune Cookies
Countertops
Shoes
Burritos
Raw Meat
Lotion
Hamburger Helper
Laundry Baskets
Plastic Bags
Barking
Chocolate
Barking
Toilet Water
Underwear
Pizza
Goldfish
Backgammon
Hot Dogs
Trash Cans
Posters
Ellen's Boobs
Ellen's Legs
Ellen's Food
Ellen's Bed
Ellen's Face
(List is added to almost everyday)

I only have 3 simple rules...
1. Don't lick Ellen's face.
2. Don't eat Ellen's food.
3. Don't sleep on Ellen's bed.

Do you see a trend?

I have hair everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I can't escape it! No matter what I try on. And when I pull clothes out of the dryer, half the lint catcher is filled with Maggie hair. It's taking over the house!! I pull hair out of my mouth multiple times a day. It's driving me insane.

Now, you're probably thinking, "Wow... She's a bitch. This dog can't really be that bad."

She is.

Have you ever seen "Marley & Me"? Cute movie. Absolutely love it. Maggie is like Marley. But worse. But Melissa and I are like Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson (Melissa is Jennifer... HOT). We really do love her. Like ought now... She's laying on the bed (my side... So I can't stretch out my legs...), and snoring. She's adorable. Not hyper, not jumping on me, not licking me face... She's being good. And honestly, on the mornings that Melissa goes to work early, and I'm still in bed, she's a great cuddler. :)

There ya have it folks! You've officially met my dog. Want to hear more? Let me know... I could go on, and on, and on, and on, and on.............

To-Do List

I have a bucket list, and its awesome... it has alot of boring, predictable things on it, but things that I want to do nonetheless...

Here are a few new things that aren't so boring ;)

1. Wear a shirt that says "Life". Hand out lemons on a street corner.
2. Hire 2 private investigators. Get them to follow each other.
3. Go into a crowded elevator and say, "I bet you're all wondering why I gathered you here," with a straight face.
4. Make tapioca pudding. Put in mayo jar. Eat in public.
5. Become a teacher. Make a test where every answer is "C." Enjoy the show.
6. Run into a store, ask what year it is. When someone answers, yell "It worked!" and run out cheering.
7. Buy a horse, name it "Oscar Takes The Lead," enter it in horse races.
8. Buy a parrot. Teach the parrot to say, "Help! I've been turned into a parrot."

EPICNESS

And The Results Are In....

Well I went to the doctor yesterday. And the verdict is in... I have a torn ACL and a severe MCL sprain. This is what the inside of your knee looks like... :D

Now the part in the blue is your ACL ligament, and the one in green that you can barely see is your MCL ligament. They are 2 of the 4 major ligaments that hold your knee together. And these ligaments, the ACL in particular, is what gives your knee stability... it allows me to make quick cuts, and turns, and everything while playing sports. After tearing it though, I can feel everything being very unstable... its almost like I can feel it wanting to buckle out from under me. Which is bad...

So I went to the doctor yesterday. They took a CT scan, but it wasn't clear enough to see exactly what was going on in there, so they took an MRI scan. The MRI confirmed that I tore the ACL, but they still aren't sure if it needs surgery, so they put me in this big huge brace (see picture below) and are waiting to see if it starts healing on its own, and if it does, I won't be needing any surgery. Which would pretty much be the greatest thing in the entire world. But while I was there, the doc told me that if I would have rotated any farther when I did this, I would have torn the MCL too. Which is kinda nuts. But the recovery time is anywhere from 3-12 months... it all depends on how well I stick to the rehab, and to everything the doc tells me. Which means I'm gonna need Tess's help so I don't cheat. Because in the last 36 hours, I've done alot of cheating. And thats no good. Because I know I'm done with softball for the summer, and fall. But I could possibly be ready for ski season, if I'm ready to go by 6 months... by 6 months, it'll be January/February, and that'll leave the last half of the season. I am hoping that I can make that deadline... because in the winter, all I do is go to school, go to work, and ski. I rock the ski bum look!!!

But anyways... this is what I'm going to be stuck with for the next couple of months, and then a lot of PT, and everything else... 

But, I'm making ski season this year baby! Ski season 2011-2012! YEAH!!!