Emergency Phone Numbers

I saw this on my friend Fumiko's facebook page. I thought it was legit, so I decided to put it up on here. :)

When in sorrow......... call D&C 121:7-9, John 14:1-2, 27
When you have sinned......... call Psalm 51: 1-3, 7, 10
When you worry......... call Matt. 6:25-34
When in danger......... call Psalm 91:1-11
When God seems far away......... call D&C 88:63, Isa. 55:6
When your faith needs stirring......... call Heb. 11
When fearful......... call Psalm 23
When you grow bitter and critical......... call 1Cor. 13
For Paul's secret to happiness......... call Col. 3:12-17
When you feel down and out......... call Romans 8:31
When you want peace and rest......... call Matt. 11: 25-30
When the world seems bigger than God......... call Psalm 90:1-2, 16-17, 19:1
When you leave home for labor or travel......... call Psalm 121:8
When you want courage for a task......... call Joshua 1:6-9
For how to get along with your fellow man......... call Romans 12:10-21
When you think of investments and returns......... call Mark 10:21-24
If you are depressed......... call Psalm 27
If your wallet is empty......... call Psalm 37:3-7
If people seem unkind......... call John 15:17-20
If you find the world small and yourself great......... call Psalm 19:9-14

Alternate Numbers:

For dealing with fear......... call Psalm 34:7; 27:1, 14
For security......... call Psalm 121:1-7
To understand purpose of life......... call Mark 8:34-38

Emergency numbers may be dialed direct.
No operator assistance is necessary.
All lines to Heaven are open 24 hours a day.

The best thing I like about this, is that they are all true. I looked them up, all of them. And they are absolutely amazing. There were a few that I already knew, and already knew to read... but they are amazing. And I need them right now.

Invisible

My life is up in the air right now... nothing is in stone. Nothing makes any sense, and I just want things to be easy. But they aren't. I love the people I can't have, and love the people who don't love me. I love, but never get loved back... I take things personally, and wear my heart on my sleeve, and that gets me in trouble. I try to be myself, but am judged upon it. I have one good friend. She drops me like a rusty can. I have another good friend, who dropped me like a rusty can, because of my sh*tty friendship with good friend #1. I don't have anyone in this world. I don't have any family. I don't have many friends. I live in a city 2000 miles from where I grew up... a city where I can blend in, and disappear. Which is a good thing. I want to disappear. Not like forever... but I don't want to stand out. I don't want to be noticed. I want to be invisible. Just for a day.

I miss you more and more everyday...

Hello again, dear...

I found my old phone today. It was packed away in some random box that I hadn't opened for months... I put it on my charger, and turned it on. I read through every message you and I sent back and forth. I looked at how often we called each other. I started to cry... it was obvious how much you loved me, and obvious how much I loved you. I was head-over-heels in love with you. So in love, that I would follow you to the gates of hell... and I did.

Where are you, love? Where can I find you? If I find you, would you take me back? Would you love me again. It kills me to think that you hate me. It kills me to not kiss you every morning, and every night. It kills me... I just want to love you. I want to love you and have you love me back. I'm not a perfect person, and I never will be... but you told me that you loved me for me. All of me. You loved the good and the bad. And I loved you through everything too. I loved you even with the parts of you that annoyed me... you're awful burping and all ;). I loved you even though you were a snowboarder, instead of a skier. I loved you even though you nagged me. I loved you, because you were the best thing that had ever happened to me. Loving you showed me that love was possible. And you loving me, proved that I was worth loving. Something that I can't believe anymore...

I loved you with every fiber of my being... I'll do anything to get you back. Anything. Anything to be held safe, and warm in your arms again. Please... Please take me back. These last months have eaten away at me inside. I put on my happy face, but inside... inside all I feel is lonely. I only want one thing in this life... and its you. Please come back to me. Please...

Life-long Vagabond

Well... I'm on the move again. Still staying in Salt Lake, but I'm moving houses again. I've been living with Tess and Andy for the last few months, and I have loved it. They are fantastic people, and I love them. But they are wanting some space, and some one-on-one time with each other... and quite honestly, I do not want to be around for the "one-on-one" time ;) if ya know what I mean. So, they gave me til the end of November to find a new place. Which is more than enough time. Sucks that I have to move again so fast, but, it'll be alright. :)

When looking for a place there are a few things that are important...

1. I need my own room. Not that I don't like to share a room, because if I room with the right person I love it. (like my roommate Mackenzie last year... that was amazingly fun!) But I've gotten to the point where I like to have my own space, and to have a space to go and be alone if I want to.
2. My roommates need to be LDS, or live LDS standards. I'm getting back into the church, and I need all the help I can get so I don't fall off the wagon again. They don't have to be LDS necessarily, but I just cannot live with girls who go out and party, and drink and have boys over every night. Because I'm afraid that if they do it, I'll do it. And I can't do that right now.
3. I need it to be affordable. Under $300/month if I can.
4. And I need to be as close to school OR work that I can. 

Which brings me to my next point.

I was looking on KSL tonight, and I found an apartment that fits all the bills, except the last one. (It would be just about the same distance from work and school as I am now in Taylorsville) Its a little house 4 bedroom house, 4 girls to the house, $200/month, and everyone is LDS. The only little hang up is that its in East Millcreek. Literally 5 minutes from Missy's parent's house. So close that I am in her home singles ward... the same ward her younger sister Kristine goes to, and the same ward that she will go to when she is in town... which is going to be super awkward... seeing that she hates me. The price is right. The roommates are right. The house is right. And the location is perfect... leaving Missy and the her family out of it. I want to go for it. I really really do. I just don't want to accidentally create drama by moving there. Because I do not, under any circumstances, want to make my life harder than it already is.

But I think the biggest perk is going to be that I am right off the I-80/I-215... which means I am worlds closer to the ski resorts than I am here in Taylorsville :) That makes a big difference on my decision too :D

Nights are too lonely...

These nights are so lonely... you aren't here, and I wake up from the nightmares, and searching for your arms around me holding me close, holding me safe. Every night, I imagine you next to me, and I fall asleep thinking about how much I loved you. About how much I still love you. I wish I could tell you... I wish you could come back... Everyday, I wish you would come back. Maybe I wasn't the best for you, and maybe you weren't the best for me... but you loved me. You loved me. You loved me for me. And I loved you more than anyone I have ever met. I love you so much. You completed me. And it's taken me a long time to realize this... and to accept it... but you completed me. And I honestly do not know if I will be able to love anyone like I loved you. There won't be another one like you. If you saw this, would you come back? If you saw this, and saw how much I still love you, would you come back to me? I love you, baby. I love you so so much. Come back to me... Please come back to me...

Can't sleep...

I have been lying here all night... staring at the ceiling, and all I can think about is you. How much I miss you, and how much I wish I still had you around. I wish I could still put my arms around you, kiss your cheek, and ask you about your day. I wake up in the middle of the night, and I wish your arms were around me, holding me close... safe. But you aren't here anymore. You walked away, and you didn't want me anymore. You didn't want me. But I always wanted you. I still want you. Come back.

Skiing isn't a sport. Its a state of mind.

I've been watching a lot of Warren Miller films lately, and have been listening to a lot of my "ski playlists" on Pandora, and iTunes. Its been getting colder, and I'm starting to break out my ski stuff, and winter clothes. I've bought my new skis, and just have to get bindings for them. I've gotten a new jacket, and pants. I'm super stoked to get out there, and break it all in, and the wait is killing me. I'm SO excited for the season!!!

A lot of people kinda look at me weird when I tell them I'm a big skier. They don't understand what it means when I say that I clock in about 40 full days on snow. I eat, sleep and dream about snow. I look at videos, and vow that someday, I'll ski where they are skiing. I talk to sponsored athletes, and I promise myself that someday, I will be good enough to be sponsored. It's a long shot for sure... but it doesn't mean I can't dream big! This year, my skiing is going to be better than ever. I'm ready to leave it all out there. 

For me, skiing isn't just a sport. Its a way of life.

Anniversary Time

Its been a year. I love you. I miss you. Come back.

Today has just been one of those days...

I'm gonna vent for just a few seconds, if that's alright.... here we go.... 

I got my scooter fixed this week. They had f***ed it up 3 times before, but they "swore" they got it right this time. Well... the damn thing wasn't fixed. Again. Naturally I realize this 15 minutes before I have to be at work. So, I have to take TRAX to work, and am therefore, an hour late. Wonderful. I really can't afford to screw up with work, because I'm still the new girl, and I don't have any slack room. While at work, I'm just kinda down... my knee kills, I get chewed out by a customer for "stalking" him... pretty sure the guy was nuts. But whatever crazy dude... I didn't want to help you find a bike lock for your POS bike anyway. You won't need it anyway, no one is going to want to steal that piece of shiz! Get off work, and couldn't get to my friend Mikey's wedding reception, because I have no car. So I just take TRAX home. Both buses are late, and I end up accidentally taking the wrong line, so I walk the rest of the way in the cold. Got off of work at 5. Got home at 8. Wonderful. Watched "Warren Miller's PlayGround" to get myself into a better mood. Didn't help... it just made my soul ache for winter. Zac calls. Wants to hang out. I don't want to. All I want is to be by myself. But I let him come over, because I've been a horrible girlfriend, and he hasn't seen me in like, a week. Tess and Andy come home, and announce that Keni is coming over for a movie. That was good. I haven't seen her in like FOREVER. And I order pizza. Yum. Zac gets here. We watched "Anger Management". Worst movie I have ever seen in my life. It was awful. I cannot understand why people feel the need to put a disgusting sexual innuendo in every conversation. Me and Keni both thought it was the worst thing I had ever seen. So at least I wasn't alone in this. But through the whole movie, Zac was super cuddly, and PDA. We have been dating for like 2 weeks. Its the first time Andy, Tess, and Keni had ever met the guy, not to mention that I'm not big on the PDA thing anyways... even when I've dated a guy for months. So I'm pretty sure that he got annoyed with that one. The movie got over, and then everyone went home, and I went to bed, ultimately to get up and write this post. Yay.

Now to a happier note... I am starting to read the Wheel of Time series again. I finished Book 2: The Great Hunt, and now I am onto Book 3: The Dragon Reborn. I love these books. They are super legit! People keep talking about the books being made into movies. Its a pretty legit idea. I like the idea a lot. But the books are so detailed, and there are so many plot lines (there are 15 books to tie together all the plot lines for crying out loud! The author, Robert Jordan, had special editors for every main character, so he didn't mix stuff up!!) that they would have to cut out so much "fluff" to make the movie short enough to watch, that they would lose too much of it. Not to mention, that I have mental images of what all the characters should look like in my head, and it would be so hard for me to have to throw away the images in my head, for the faces, and voices that Hollywood gives me. Because they have a bad track record with me when it comes to ruining all my favorite book characters. :(

Back to Zac... I'm just not feeling it with him. We have a lot in common, but in all reality, we are nothing alike. We don't do the same things. We don't like the same movies. I don't even know how to describe most of it... but we are just not for each other.

And I feel bad for the kid because I'm not 100% into this. I'm still hung up on the last person that I dated. I miss him terribly, and I don't think that I will ever fully get over him... I believe that I will love someone similar to how much I loved him, but I don't think that I can ever love someone else, as I loved him. Every day, I long for his arms around me. Every day, I wish that I could bring him back. But I can't. He's gone, and I'll never get him back. He didn't want me. And he ran. It took a lot out of me, and it continues to. I know I need to let it go... it's in the past. But how can you let go of you're first love? How can you let go of your one, true love when you honestly, believe that he will be yours, and you will be his for the rest of your lives? You don't let go of them without a fight. You never let go.

What am I doing with my life? Why is it so hard for me to see what is good in my life, and what is uncontrollable? 

Random Thoughts For The Day

1. I absolutely LOVE President Thomas S. Monson!
2. Star Wars, Dr. Pepper, BBQ Pringles, and fruit snacks are a wonderful combination at 1am.
3. Ski season is 49 days away!!!
4. Its supposed to snow on Thursday!!! SO EXCITED!!
5. My candles make my room smell like Christmas, but I accidentally got green candle wax on my carpet. I don't know how to get it out... uh oh...
6. R2D2 is my favorite droid ever. He's legit.
7. I miss you. I miss you so much. Come back to me.
8. I have a soccer double header tomorrow... I think I'm gonna die...
9. My deodorant smells super good. 
10. I cleaned my room yesterday. I'm proud of myself.
11. I love to go grocery shopping. Is that weird?
12. My boss is super legit. I wanna be like her someday.
13. The more I go to school, the more I realize that I'd rather be a ski bum on the side on a mountain in a tent for the rest of my life.
14. I'm getting my hair cut on Friday!! I'm super duper excited!!
15. My super good friend is coming back to Utah at the end of the month!! 
16. I'm going to buy a car. And its gonna be awesome!
17. He is always there for you. Ever loyal, and supportive, He is an unconditional friend who stands by you, always encouraging, and understanding you. What better friend could you have than the Savior?

I love the Church. I love God. I love Christ. I'm not perfect, and I'm flawed, and I make thousands of mistakes everyday. Some big. Some small. But I try. I try so hard to be the very best person that I can be. And that makes all the difference. 

So... to all of you out there... who judge me, and think I'm a lost cause... who think that I will never change, and never be the person you wish that I was... hate all you want. Because I am cherished, valued and beautiful through the eyes of God. And that's all I will ever need to know.