My last letter...

I don't know what's happened in the last 6 months. You went from loving me to hating me in a matter of days. I've racked my brain trying to figure it out... but I don't know what it is. All I know is that you dropped me like a bag of rocks, and you never looked back. And I can't explain to you how difficult that is for me. 

Ever since that night you first kissed me, I have been hopelessly in love with you. HOPELESSLY. Even now, I think of you every night before I fall asleep. I don't even mean to do it. I roll over, cuddle up to my body pillow, and I pretend that its you. Tess saw me do it one night while I was half asleep. We think its funny now... but its true. I'm in love with you. I start crying out of the blue some days, just because I miss you. I'm sad because I miss you. You were the one I loved. I don't know that I'll ever love someone like I loved you. I'll be lucky to love someone half as much. 

It kills me to know that you hate me. It tears me apart when I read texts that tell me to stay away from you... to stay out of your life... unless I want to get the crap kicked out of me by you and your friends. It killed me to have to call the cops that night. But I was genuinely scared. For myself, but for Mande and Tyler too... because its anyone's common sense that if I'm going to be in Cedar City, I'm going to be with Mande and Tyler. I was scared that you were going to hurt me... not just emotionally, but physically this time...

I love you so much. So much that it hurts. And I wonder if you do too. I wonder if you're looking up at the same star as I am. Or watching the same TV show as I am... or reading the same book as I am. I wonder if you still love me. I don't think you do. Every time I read the texts... every hateful word. Every hurtful word. It rips me apart. And you can't see it. You have no idea. Right now... all I can do is cry. I hate myself for loving you so much. I HATE MYSELF! Do you understand this?? There has not been a day where the thought hasn't crossed my mind. The thought that my world is a lesser place without you in it. I've thought about driving down to Cedar and showing up on your door... knocking on every door til I find the right one. I've thought about every possible way to get you back. I'd do anything for you. Anything. I miss you, baby. I miss you so much. All I want in my life is you. 

But you won't ever see this. And you won't ever take me back. So this is my last letter to you. I love you. I really hope you can see that. I love you. I love you so much. Just don't hate me anymore. Please...

What happens when you threaten someone.........

You get the cops called on you. Plain and simple. Sorry Missy... but when you tell me that you and your friends are going to kick my ass if you ever see me, is not exactly what I call "fun and games". Have fun with your assault charge. 

Wintervention

Last year's Warren Miller Film is called Wintervention. Johnny Mosely narrates, and he's hosting a fake radio show for a "crisis hotline" where the Warren Miller athletes call in and talk about their addictions. Their addictions to snow. 

It's hilarious. It makes me laugh, because there are so many people like that in the world! I'm definitely one of them. I'm going to go through some major withdrawals this season because I'm not going to have 60 days on snow like I did last winter. My goggle tan line is going to be pathetic, and I'm going to feel like a pansy only being on the mountain once a week (sometimes twice depending on my days off) instead of 5-6 days a week. Its going to be sad, and I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. 

My name is Ellen. I'm a skier in Salt Lake City. And I'm a ski-aholic. I'm in need of a wintervention.

Oh, and Johnny Mosely, you are more than welcome to come to Salt Lake and implement the wintervention :)

Well here we go again

I got an apartment today. It's up in the Avenues, right across the street from LDS Hospital. I'm in the Ensign YSA Ward, and right next to the City Creek YSA Ward that I was in earlier this year. Which is pretty funny, but what's funnier is that I went to that ward this Sunday thinking it was the City Creek ward. I laughed when I realized that :)

Its the cutest little house, and the 2 girls are just absolutely amazing. They are both LDS, and it's important to them that I am too. Which will be a good motivator for me to stay active in the Church, and stay on the straight and narrow. Which is going to be good for me. And I need that. :) The room is cuter than a button... a little small, but it is super cute, and everything is wonderful. I get along with both of the girls, we have a bunch in common, and we enjoy talking about a bunch of things. I'll be moving in at the middle of the month, and its going to be amazing :) I'm excited. I can't wait to move in. And I can't wait to move back downtown. Its going to be the greatest thing ever!

That icky nasty feeling....

I really try to be a good person. I honestly do. I want to be a good friend, and I want to be a good, worthy member of the Church. I want all this. And I try really hard to do what's right, and be the very best person that I can be. I look at the examples of President Thomas S. Monson, and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, and I try to be like them. I look at my friends, I look at Lara, Tess, and Keni, and I see their examples, and I see their efforts to be good people. Therefore I see how worthy LDS women should act, and how they dress and I hear the words they speak. I see the women that worthy priesthood holders seek... I want to be like them. I want to be a worthy LDS woman that a cute, worthy boy in my ward, or at the institute, would be attracted to. I need these things in my life.

But I'm not perfect. I'm trying to get back into the Church, and that is really hard... not because I don't want to, but because the repentance process is so difficult, and there are so many things that I have to admit and work through that make day by day work so hard. It's worth it, but it is so difficult. I know its something I need to do, because I want to go to the temple one day. I want to be able to go to the temple, pure and clean. And I want to be able to go with my husband to be, who will be pure and clean, and worthy to take me there. I know that this is what I want! I'm just so afraid that I won't have the backbone to stand up and do it. I'm afraid that I will chicken out and take the easy way out again. And I don't want to do that anymore. 

I went to a different ward today... the Ensign YSA ward (which might be the ward I'm going to be moving into... not sure yet though. We shall see). It was testimony meeting today. And I got up and bore my testimony, but after another boy in the ward bore his. We have a similar story. He walked away from the Church, but kept feeling the empty, nasty feeling of the lack of faith in his life. And he finally decided to come back, and repent. I got up a few minutes later, and I said the same thing. It shows that there are people all throughout the Church who struggle, with whatever the sin or temptation, both men and women, and both young and old. People came up to both of us after Sacrament Meeting and thanked us for our testimonies... which for me, was a little surprising... most people in the YSA wards in Utah are pretty judgmental, and they don't talk to the people who are less active because (and I quote... a friend told me this was her opinion) "I don't want their bad influence to rub off on me." I thought that was funny... why wouldn't you want to have your good influence rub off on the people like me who are and have been less active. So that was a nice little surprise today. :)

I want to be a better person. I just hope that I can have the strength and the perseverance to pull through it. I really hope that I can. 

On a happier, more upbeat note... some of the resorts are opening this week! Brighton and Solitude will be opening this week, and I'm super excited! And our Employee Appreciation Day (where we get cost+10% on store merchandise) is on Thanksgiving Day... so I'll be buying my bindings on that day, and getting them mounted soon after. :) So thats exciting.

AND I BOUGHT A CAR!!!!!!! It's a 1996 Chevy Blazer! 4WD, 4 Door, and a factory rack for a Thule rack for my skis and other people's skis. It'll be legit. I'm so happy I was able to find something, and I couldn't have found and bought it on a better day. I bought it 2 days ago, on Friday. Friday night and Saturday morning, it snowed. SO HAPPY!!! :D :D So yeah, it was legit. Pictures to come a little later. 

So yeah, those are my thoughts on the day. I really didn't mean to be a Debbie Downer... but it was a big thing on my mind today... just because I have had so many people condemn me because I am imperfect, and make mistakes. Some mistakes I know about, and other mistakes that remain hidden because some people can't cowgirl up and confront a situation, and instead act like a 4 year old about it. (Sorry... that one bugs the living hell outta me) But all in all, I think I'm doing ok... we'll see how it all goes. 

Let me know what ya'll think... if anyone reads this anyway. And Missy... I really hope you read it... not just this post, but all of them. Let me know if you do...

Another letter you'll never read.

I miss you. I want you're arms around me every moment of everyday. I can't stop thinking about you. It seems like every 5 minutes, there is something that reminds me of you. Hell... it seems like everything reminds me of you in one way or another. It's hell. It is absolute hell. And I'm still in love with you. How pathetic am I? It's sad ya know? Loving someone who doesn't love you back. Loving someone so much, that I can't fall asleep without thinking about you. Loving someone so deeply, that it took over a part of you... and now that part is missing... and you feel empty and cold inside. Its pathetic. 

Emergency Phone Numbers

I saw this on my friend Fumiko's facebook page. I thought it was legit, so I decided to put it up on here. :)

When in sorrow......... call D&C 121:7-9, John 14:1-2, 27
When you have sinned......... call Psalm 51: 1-3, 7, 10
When you worry......... call Matt. 6:25-34
When in danger......... call Psalm 91:1-11
When God seems far away......... call D&C 88:63, Isa. 55:6
When your faith needs stirring......... call Heb. 11
When fearful......... call Psalm 23
When you grow bitter and critical......... call 1Cor. 13
For Paul's secret to happiness......... call Col. 3:12-17
When you feel down and out......... call Romans 8:31
When you want peace and rest......... call Matt. 11: 25-30
When the world seems bigger than God......... call Psalm 90:1-2, 16-17, 19:1
When you leave home for labor or travel......... call Psalm 121:8
When you want courage for a task......... call Joshua 1:6-9
For how to get along with your fellow man......... call Romans 12:10-21
When you think of investments and returns......... call Mark 10:21-24
If you are depressed......... call Psalm 27
If your wallet is empty......... call Psalm 37:3-7
If people seem unkind......... call John 15:17-20
If you find the world small and yourself great......... call Psalm 19:9-14

Alternate Numbers:

For dealing with fear......... call Psalm 34:7; 27:1, 14
For security......... call Psalm 121:1-7
To understand purpose of life......... call Mark 8:34-38

Emergency numbers may be dialed direct.
No operator assistance is necessary.
All lines to Heaven are open 24 hours a day.

The best thing I like about this, is that they are all true. I looked them up, all of them. And they are absolutely amazing. There were a few that I already knew, and already knew to read... but they are amazing. And I need them right now.

Invisible

My life is up in the air right now... nothing is in stone. Nothing makes any sense, and I just want things to be easy. But they aren't. I love the people I can't have, and love the people who don't love me. I love, but never get loved back... I take things personally, and wear my heart on my sleeve, and that gets me in trouble. I try to be myself, but am judged upon it. I have one good friend. She drops me like a rusty can. I have another good friend, who dropped me like a rusty can, because of my sh*tty friendship with good friend #1. I don't have anyone in this world. I don't have any family. I don't have many friends. I live in a city 2000 miles from where I grew up... a city where I can blend in, and disappear. Which is a good thing. I want to disappear. Not like forever... but I don't want to stand out. I don't want to be noticed. I want to be invisible. Just for a day.

I miss you more and more everyday...

Hello again, dear...

I found my old phone today. It was packed away in some random box that I hadn't opened for months... I put it on my charger, and turned it on. I read through every message you and I sent back and forth. I looked at how often we called each other. I started to cry... it was obvious how much you loved me, and obvious how much I loved you. I was head-over-heels in love with you. So in love, that I would follow you to the gates of hell... and I did.

Where are you, love? Where can I find you? If I find you, would you take me back? Would you love me again. It kills me to think that you hate me. It kills me to not kiss you every morning, and every night. It kills me... I just want to love you. I want to love you and have you love me back. I'm not a perfect person, and I never will be... but you told me that you loved me for me. All of me. You loved the good and the bad. And I loved you through everything too. I loved you even with the parts of you that annoyed me... you're awful burping and all ;). I loved you even though you were a snowboarder, instead of a skier. I loved you even though you nagged me. I loved you, because you were the best thing that had ever happened to me. Loving you showed me that love was possible. And you loving me, proved that I was worth loving. Something that I can't believe anymore...

I loved you with every fiber of my being... I'll do anything to get you back. Anything. Anything to be held safe, and warm in your arms again. Please... Please take me back. These last months have eaten away at me inside. I put on my happy face, but inside... inside all I feel is lonely. I only want one thing in this life... and its you. Please come back to me. Please...

Life-long Vagabond

Well... I'm on the move again. Still staying in Salt Lake, but I'm moving houses again. I've been living with Tess and Andy for the last few months, and I have loved it. They are fantastic people, and I love them. But they are wanting some space, and some one-on-one time with each other... and quite honestly, I do not want to be around for the "one-on-one" time ;) if ya know what I mean. So, they gave me til the end of November to find a new place. Which is more than enough time. Sucks that I have to move again so fast, but, it'll be alright. :)

When looking for a place there are a few things that are important...

1. I need my own room. Not that I don't like to share a room, because if I room with the right person I love it. (like my roommate Mackenzie last year... that was amazingly fun!) But I've gotten to the point where I like to have my own space, and to have a space to go and be alone if I want to.
2. My roommates need to be LDS, or live LDS standards. I'm getting back into the church, and I need all the help I can get so I don't fall off the wagon again. They don't have to be LDS necessarily, but I just cannot live with girls who go out and party, and drink and have boys over every night. Because I'm afraid that if they do it, I'll do it. And I can't do that right now.
3. I need it to be affordable. Under $300/month if I can.
4. And I need to be as close to school OR work that I can. 

Which brings me to my next point.

I was looking on KSL tonight, and I found an apartment that fits all the bills, except the last one. (It would be just about the same distance from work and school as I am now in Taylorsville) Its a little house 4 bedroom house, 4 girls to the house, $200/month, and everyone is LDS. The only little hang up is that its in East Millcreek. Literally 5 minutes from Missy's parent's house. So close that I am in her home singles ward... the same ward her younger sister Kristine goes to, and the same ward that she will go to when she is in town... which is going to be super awkward... seeing that she hates me. The price is right. The roommates are right. The house is right. And the location is perfect... leaving Missy and the her family out of it. I want to go for it. I really really do. I just don't want to accidentally create drama by moving there. Because I do not, under any circumstances, want to make my life harder than it already is.

But I think the biggest perk is going to be that I am right off the I-80/I-215... which means I am worlds closer to the ski resorts than I am here in Taylorsville :) That makes a big difference on my decision too :D

Nights are too lonely...

These nights are so lonely... you aren't here, and I wake up from the nightmares, and searching for your arms around me holding me close, holding me safe. Every night, I imagine you next to me, and I fall asleep thinking about how much I loved you. About how much I still love you. I wish I could tell you... I wish you could come back... Everyday, I wish you would come back. Maybe I wasn't the best for you, and maybe you weren't the best for me... but you loved me. You loved me. You loved me for me. And I loved you more than anyone I have ever met. I love you so much. You completed me. And it's taken me a long time to realize this... and to accept it... but you completed me. And I honestly do not know if I will be able to love anyone like I loved you. There won't be another one like you. If you saw this, would you come back? If you saw this, and saw how much I still love you, would you come back to me? I love you, baby. I love you so so much. Come back to me... Please come back to me...

Can't sleep...

I have been lying here all night... staring at the ceiling, and all I can think about is you. How much I miss you, and how much I wish I still had you around. I wish I could still put my arms around you, kiss your cheek, and ask you about your day. I wake up in the middle of the night, and I wish your arms were around me, holding me close... safe. But you aren't here anymore. You walked away, and you didn't want me anymore. You didn't want me. But I always wanted you. I still want you. Come back.

Skiing isn't a sport. Its a state of mind.

I've been watching a lot of Warren Miller films lately, and have been listening to a lot of my "ski playlists" on Pandora, and iTunes. Its been getting colder, and I'm starting to break out my ski stuff, and winter clothes. I've bought my new skis, and just have to get bindings for them. I've gotten a new jacket, and pants. I'm super stoked to get out there, and break it all in, and the wait is killing me. I'm SO excited for the season!!!

A lot of people kinda look at me weird when I tell them I'm a big skier. They don't understand what it means when I say that I clock in about 40 full days on snow. I eat, sleep and dream about snow. I look at videos, and vow that someday, I'll ski where they are skiing. I talk to sponsored athletes, and I promise myself that someday, I will be good enough to be sponsored. It's a long shot for sure... but it doesn't mean I can't dream big! This year, my skiing is going to be better than ever. I'm ready to leave it all out there. 

For me, skiing isn't just a sport. Its a way of life.

Anniversary Time

Its been a year. I love you. I miss you. Come back.

Today has just been one of those days...

I'm gonna vent for just a few seconds, if that's alright.... here we go.... 

I got my scooter fixed this week. They had f***ed it up 3 times before, but they "swore" they got it right this time. Well... the damn thing wasn't fixed. Again. Naturally I realize this 15 minutes before I have to be at work. So, I have to take TRAX to work, and am therefore, an hour late. Wonderful. I really can't afford to screw up with work, because I'm still the new girl, and I don't have any slack room. While at work, I'm just kinda down... my knee kills, I get chewed out by a customer for "stalking" him... pretty sure the guy was nuts. But whatever crazy dude... I didn't want to help you find a bike lock for your POS bike anyway. You won't need it anyway, no one is going to want to steal that piece of shiz! Get off work, and couldn't get to my friend Mikey's wedding reception, because I have no car. So I just take TRAX home. Both buses are late, and I end up accidentally taking the wrong line, so I walk the rest of the way in the cold. Got off of work at 5. Got home at 8. Wonderful. Watched "Warren Miller's PlayGround" to get myself into a better mood. Didn't help... it just made my soul ache for winter. Zac calls. Wants to hang out. I don't want to. All I want is to be by myself. But I let him come over, because I've been a horrible girlfriend, and he hasn't seen me in like, a week. Tess and Andy come home, and announce that Keni is coming over for a movie. That was good. I haven't seen her in like FOREVER. And I order pizza. Yum. Zac gets here. We watched "Anger Management". Worst movie I have ever seen in my life. It was awful. I cannot understand why people feel the need to put a disgusting sexual innuendo in every conversation. Me and Keni both thought it was the worst thing I had ever seen. So at least I wasn't alone in this. But through the whole movie, Zac was super cuddly, and PDA. We have been dating for like 2 weeks. Its the first time Andy, Tess, and Keni had ever met the guy, not to mention that I'm not big on the PDA thing anyways... even when I've dated a guy for months. So I'm pretty sure that he got annoyed with that one. The movie got over, and then everyone went home, and I went to bed, ultimately to get up and write this post. Yay.

Now to a happier note... I am starting to read the Wheel of Time series again. I finished Book 2: The Great Hunt, and now I am onto Book 3: The Dragon Reborn. I love these books. They are super legit! People keep talking about the books being made into movies. Its a pretty legit idea. I like the idea a lot. But the books are so detailed, and there are so many plot lines (there are 15 books to tie together all the plot lines for crying out loud! The author, Robert Jordan, had special editors for every main character, so he didn't mix stuff up!!) that they would have to cut out so much "fluff" to make the movie short enough to watch, that they would lose too much of it. Not to mention, that I have mental images of what all the characters should look like in my head, and it would be so hard for me to have to throw away the images in my head, for the faces, and voices that Hollywood gives me. Because they have a bad track record with me when it comes to ruining all my favorite book characters. :(

Back to Zac... I'm just not feeling it with him. We have a lot in common, but in all reality, we are nothing alike. We don't do the same things. We don't like the same movies. I don't even know how to describe most of it... but we are just not for each other.

And I feel bad for the kid because I'm not 100% into this. I'm still hung up on the last person that I dated. I miss him terribly, and I don't think that I will ever fully get over him... I believe that I will love someone similar to how much I loved him, but I don't think that I can ever love someone else, as I loved him. Every day, I long for his arms around me. Every day, I wish that I could bring him back. But I can't. He's gone, and I'll never get him back. He didn't want me. And he ran. It took a lot out of me, and it continues to. I know I need to let it go... it's in the past. But how can you let go of you're first love? How can you let go of your one, true love when you honestly, believe that he will be yours, and you will be his for the rest of your lives? You don't let go of them without a fight. You never let go.

What am I doing with my life? Why is it so hard for me to see what is good in my life, and what is uncontrollable? 

Random Thoughts For The Day

1. I absolutely LOVE President Thomas S. Monson!
2. Star Wars, Dr. Pepper, BBQ Pringles, and fruit snacks are a wonderful combination at 1am.
3. Ski season is 49 days away!!!
4. Its supposed to snow on Thursday!!! SO EXCITED!!
5. My candles make my room smell like Christmas, but I accidentally got green candle wax on my carpet. I don't know how to get it out... uh oh...
6. R2D2 is my favorite droid ever. He's legit.
7. I miss you. I miss you so much. Come back to me.
8. I have a soccer double header tomorrow... I think I'm gonna die...
9. My deodorant smells super good. 
10. I cleaned my room yesterday. I'm proud of myself.
11. I love to go grocery shopping. Is that weird?
12. My boss is super legit. I wanna be like her someday.
13. The more I go to school, the more I realize that I'd rather be a ski bum on the side on a mountain in a tent for the rest of my life.
14. I'm getting my hair cut on Friday!! I'm super duper excited!!
15. My super good friend is coming back to Utah at the end of the month!! 
16. I'm going to buy a car. And its gonna be awesome!
17. He is always there for you. Ever loyal, and supportive, He is an unconditional friend who stands by you, always encouraging, and understanding you. What better friend could you have than the Savior?

I love the Church. I love God. I love Christ. I'm not perfect, and I'm flawed, and I make thousands of mistakes everyday. Some big. Some small. But I try. I try so hard to be the very best person that I can be. And that makes all the difference. 

So... to all of you out there... who judge me, and think I'm a lost cause... who think that I will never change, and never be the person you wish that I was... hate all you want. Because I am cherished, valued and beautiful through the eyes of God. And that's all I will ever need to know.

NEW SKIS!!!! :D

So I bought a new pair of skis 2 weeks ago. They are the Atomic Access. 

There are so many awesome, and have had a ton of awesome reviews. Its my new one quiver ski :) and I can't wait til I can take them out and absolutely shred! I am still thinking about the possibility of buying a pair of park specific skis though... I have seen a few pairs of Volkl Pearl skis for $179.97... they are normally $500! So that might be in the works. Who knows. :) For the Access, I am going to get the Marker Squire Schizo binding.

It allows you to move the placement of your bindings forward and back depending on the conditions you are skiing in. So if I want to ski frontside for the day, or in the park, I can mount closer to the front, or in true center. If we get dumped on 2 ft, then I can mount back seat for an infamous powder day :) So pretty much... its going to be epic!

Now... I found out something freaking amazing yesterday. I work at Sports Authority... and The Canyons offers Sports Authority employees free day passes with a shop card (which we will all receive) and our most recent pay stub. 

I called Canyons yesterday, because I had bought a season pass from them, and they were awesome enough to refund my money! So now its a question of if I want to buy a season pass somewhere else, or if I want to save the money, and buy a car. Right now I am leaning towards buying a car... because I really want to be able to get up to the mountain :D

Life is good today. Other than the fact that I exhauted, and that I dont feel well :( Oh well! 

Random Thoughts of the Day

1. Homework is never ending...

2. Chips and soda just go together.

3. SKIING

4. My apartment is always freaking hot...

5. I miss Frank the Tank.

6. Pepsi products are cheaper than Coke... so that sucks...

7. Frozen custard has nothing on ice cream.

8. Costa Vida is the shiz nit...

9. Midterms can kiss my ass.

10. SKIING

11. I lust over James Franco every time...

12. Ski season is only 57 days, 23 hours, 44 minutes away! :)

13. My goal is to have 50 days on snow this year!!

14. I LOVE The Fray!!

15. Soccer is going to be the death of me...

16. Kid in my institute class is freaking HOT.

17. Star Wars Risk is the greatest game ever made
18. SKIING

19. Plan Z... duct tape.

20. I got a spider bite today... ouch

21. I want to sleep

22. SKIING

23. SNOW

24. MOUNTAINS

25. I want cookies.

26. Should I cut my hair?

27. Where's Waldo?

28. I need some chocolate before I punch a baby...

29. SNOW

30. SKIING

31. SKIING

32. SKIING

33. Same shit, different day... 

Welcome to the chaos that is Ellen's attention span. I suffer from ADOS... Attention Deficit... OH SHINY!

Letter to you...

Everyday you have me thinking of you. I can't get you out of my head. You were everything I ever wanted in my life. I loved you. I still love you. I love you, even though you don't love me. I think about you everyday. I miss you everyday. Every night when I go to sleep, I wish I had your arms around me again. The body pillow I sleep with now, does you no justice. It doesn't have your warmth, or your kind words. It doesn't wrap its arms around me like you did. Everyday that I was with you, I felt like a super hero... like there was nothing that could hurt me, or bring me down. I miss being around you. I miss your smile, and the way you made me laugh. I miss the way you loved me. I miss seeing you everyday. I miss your kisses. I miss everything about you. I can't stop thinking about you, and how things could have been different. Would you come back if I asked you? I want you back so badly that it hurts. I love you. Come back to me. God I miss you.

I have no idea what I want in my life...

So... I'm dating this kid. His name is Zac. He's a cool kid, and I like him. But for some reason... now that we are dating, I have this weird, uncomfortable feeling about everything. I don't know... I have a hard time being able to see him, and be attached to him. Its like I have this mental block that doesn't let me love anyone else but that one person from last year. I can't get past the fact that I loved them. I loved them, and they broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I don't know if I can recover from that. I'm broken.

Now onto school. I love school. And I'm loving my classes and my major. But the more I ski, and the more I learn, and develop a passion, and a knowledge base about skiing, the more I don't want to study politics... and the more I want to stay in the ski industry. I'm already a total ski bum in the winter time... clocking almost 50 days on snow. I just bought a new pair of skis, and have bought a season pass to The Canyons in Park City. I just cannot focus on anything other than snow, and trees, and steeps. My classes are important, and I know that I'm studying the right thing in school... but I just cannot focus. :( My Comparative Politics class is kicking my ass, so is my Party Politics, and European Politics class. I work my ass off trying to keep my grades up... I study at work, I put my boyfriend second, to go to the library for the rest of the night instead. I never see my friends, or my roommates because I'm working full-time, and studying full-time. I'm exhausted. 

I don't know what I want anymore. I am so confused. I have no idea.

Well it has been quite a while...

So its been a crazy couple of months. I've moved from the Avenues, and now I'm living in Taylorsville with Tess and Andy. I've started my new job as the skiing authority with SNIAGRAB at Sports Authority, and I love it, but I was working 140 hour pay periods, and I about drove myself crazy. I'm taking my classes at the U, and I'm learning alot, but I am so far behind because I'm working so many hours. I'm dating a boy I'm not too sure about... I mean he's great, and wonderful. He's an RM, and he's a gentleman... but I don't think that I'm ready to really be committed to anyone... not with everything that has gone about in the last year for me. And then, last but not least... the whole Missy ordeal, but whatever. 

Don't get me wrong... I love my life, and the people I have in it. I have made wonderful friends up here... but there is something missing... and I don't know how to fix it.

Terrorist Attacks

In light of the recent terrorist attacks yesterday in Norway, it's got me thinking about terrorism, and what the UN can (or rather, can not) do about it.

We can see an example of what can be done in the Nuremburg Trials, where the Nazi's were tried and convicted for war crimes that were committed during the Holocaust. The jurisdiction fell to the Allied Powers (Great Britain, The Soviet Union, and the United States), as a direct result of the Declaration Regarding the Defeat of Germany and the Assumption of Supreme Authority by Allied Powers (a mouthful, I know). Although it's disputed whether this assumption of power constituted debellation, it allowed the Allied Powers the authority and means to rebuild the German State, and to hold an International Military Tribunal (as the crimes were committed by military personnel).

So, if terrorism is committed by military personnel, or a civilian working directly through the military (such as a weapons contractor or other military security force), there is jurisdiction to hold a military tribunal, by the victorious party. 

So what happens in cases like the September 11th attacks on the United States? Or the London Train Bombings, the Al Qaeda suicide bombings in Israel, the Moscow Train Bombings, or the Madrid Train Bombings? Many people think that you can just find whomever is responsible and put them on trial. Or that they can simply go to war with them, and feel justified. This is not so.  

First of all, you cannot just "go to war" with a country, and expect it be legal. The UN Security Council has in one of their charters, that you have to declare war through your respective country's government. For the United States, it would be Congress. This is the line of red tape that we ignored when we decided to invade Iraq and Afghanistan. President Bush had presidential authority to send troops without declaring war through Congress, but only for a 90 day period. Any amount of time beyond that, is subject to a Congressional vote.

There are miles of red tape surrounding this issue. Another important question to ask is this: Are terror attacks classified as civil crimes, or war crimes? Any terror attack can be viewed as an act of war, such as the terror attacks of September 11th, and they can also be viewed as a civilian matter, such as the Colombine shootings, or the the Oklahoma City bombing. Here is where you fall into another roll of red tape. 

Yet another roll can come in the form of National Boundaries. We can't just sue Canada if they decide to invade us during peace time... there's no law against that. And even if there was, I don't believe that we would sue... I believe "aggressive negotiations" would be in taken, and I firmly believe that the aggressive negotiations would result in the total annihilation of Canada... but that's just me. 

If "less than aggressive" negotiations are taken, they would be within the jurisdiction of the UN Security Council. After all... the first and second Charter Mandates require the UN : "To maintain international peace and security.... (and if necessary to enforce the peace) by taking preventive or enforcement action". But yet, the permanent members of the Security Council, due to its restricted administrative structure, have sometimes prevented the UN from fully carrying out its mandates. Which, in my soon to be professional opinion, is quite hypocritical. 

Now that I have gotten all that political garbage out of my system, I do want to express my sadness of the events, and my condolences to the families of the victims. Its a shame that anyone should ever have to die in such a way. 

School's Starting!!

Well... here we go again! School is starting up again, and its back to the books. YAY! Its my first semester at the University if Utah this fall, and I'm super excited! My schedule for the semester is as follows...

Intro to Law and Politics (POLS 3200)
European Politics (POLS 3410)
Intro to Comparative Politics (POLS 2200)
Political Parties (POLS 3120)

This is going to be an intense semester... but an awesome one nonetheless! Super excited!!

In other news, I had an interview with Sports Authority the other day as a skiing sales associate! Hope I get it, because that means that I'll be able to get my ski bum on a few months early :D Which means that winter is essentially starting in August :D And that makes me super happy!

Also... I'm moving in with Tessie and Andy. That'll be fun. We'll see how Christine reacts to it... see if she hates me even more for it. Who knows. I'm to the point where I want to ask her if she has any interest in being my friend... but that'd be just bitchy of me, and I don't want to be the bitchy friend. So who knows. But this could be fun. Because we spend a whole lot of time together anyway, and it'll save us a ton of gas :) But yeah. Thats what's going on in the life of Ellen. Not to mention that I'm going on a date tonight!

Do you ever have days where you just don't feel like you are worth your price tag? Today has been one of those days. When I was in institute Wednesday, Brother Cope had this quote up on the board. 

We may, indeed, be sure that perfect chastity—like perfect charity—will not be attained by any merely human efforts. You must ask for God’s help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important chastity (or courage, or truthfulness, or any other virtue) may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God. We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection. -C.S. Lewis

This is definitely something I needed to hear... because I knew that the Atonement is there for me, but hearing it... that makes all the difference. I knew that Heavenly Father will always hear my prayers, and will always help me, but hearing it was all the difference. 

I've made a ton of mistakes in my life... so many that its not even funny. I've made so many mistakes, that my family doesn't speak to me. They have completely cut me out of their lives, and its 100% my fault. They had a hand in just about everything that happened, but they didn't make the decisions. I did. But I'm a good person. I'm a good person, and I try to prove that every day of my life. I hope one day my parents will see how the Church has made me a better person... I hope on day I can prove it to them.

Through Him... everything is possible.

Someday, I'll find my Prince Charming, and he will take me to the temple.

Life in perspective

I went and volunteered at Primary Children's Hospital today. After my Institute class at the U, a few of the Phi girls were going over, and invited me to join them. So we practiced some Primary Songs, and some Brighton Girls Camp songs, and then we headed over there. We went and met 11 year old, Kaliee and her mom and dad, and we played the songs. 

Afterward, we heard about what had happened. Kaliee was swinging on a hammock, which was suspended from hollow, brick pillars. The pillars collapsed, and the bricks came down on Kaliee's head, giving her a traumatic injury to her brain, which left her paralyzed from the neck down. She was an athlete, played the piano... and all that has been taken from her. She has a really hard time speaking... she can form the words in a whisper, but she can't get the sound out yet. Everything has been taken from her, and her life hasn't really even started yet. But the amazing thing is... she was so positive. She is sad that she can't play sports, or the piano anymore... but she loves to sing, and she's focusing on that. And it made me realize... yes, I have a torn ACL. Yes, wearing that brace sucks. But I complain about it constantly. How I can't play softball for a season. How I can't go up and down stairs like normal. How I can't get in and out of a car like normal. How the brace is uncomfortable, how I'm missing ski season... She's never going to recover from this. She is paralyzed for the rest of her life. And I'm in recovery for the next 6-12 months. She's not complaining. And that's all I've been able to do for the last 2 days. 

She put my life into perspective real quick. Life is so short... too short for her. She deserves better, and I'm going to keep going to see her. She's amazing.

And on another happy note, I have been made an honorary member of the Phi Chapter of Lambda Delta Sigma. pretty awesome if you ask me :) It pretty much made my whole day. Because I was going to rush with them this fall, but because they closed the organization, I won't be able to. So Michelle, the closing president, has made me an honorary member. And its awesome. :) I belong to something. 

And The Results Are In....

Well I went to the doctor yesterday. And the verdict is in... I have a torn ACL and a severe MCL sprain. This is what the inside of your knee looks like... :D

Now the part in the blue is your ACL ligament, and the one in green that you can barely see is your MCL ligament. They are 2 of the 4 major ligaments that hold your knee together. And these ligaments, the ACL in particular, is what gives your knee stability... it allows me to make quick cuts, and turns, and everything while playing sports. After tearing it though, I can feel everything being very unstable... its almost like I can feel it wanting to buckle out from under me. Which is bad...

So I went to the doctor yesterday. They took a CT scan, but it wasn't clear enough to see exactly what was going on in there, so they took an MRI scan. The MRI confirmed that I tore the ACL, but they still aren't sure if it needs surgery, so they put me in this big huge brace (see picture below) and are waiting to see if it starts healing on its own, and if it does, I won't be needing any surgery. Which would pretty much be the greatest thing in the entire world. But while I was there, the doc told me that if I would have rotated any farther when I did this, I would have torn the MCL too. Which is kinda nuts. But the recovery time is anywhere from 3-12 months... it all depends on how well I stick to the rehab, and to everything the doc tells me. Which means I'm gonna need Tess's help so I don't cheat. Because in the last 36 hours, I've done alot of cheating. And thats no good. Because I know I'm done with softball for the summer, and fall. But I could possibly be ready for ski season, if I'm ready to go by 6 months... by 6 months, it'll be January/February, and that'll leave the last half of the season. I am hoping that I can make that deadline... because in the winter, all I do is go to school, go to work, and ski. I rock the ski bum look!!!

But anyways... this is what I'm going to be stuck with for the next couple of months, and then a lot of PT, and everything else... 

But, I'm making ski season this year baby! Ski season 2011-2012! YEAH!!!

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Two years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything. I was afraid of wanting to be loved, and I figured wanting would lead to trying, and trying would lead to failure. But now I find I can’t stop wanting… I want to fly somewhere in first class. I want to travel to Europe on a business trip. I want to get invited to the White House. I want to learn about the world. I want to surprise myself. I want to be important. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to define myself, instead having of others define me. I want to win; and have people be happy for me. I want to lose and get over it. I want to not be afraid of the unknown. I want to grow up to be generous and big hearted. The way that people have been with me. I want an interesting and surprising life.

It’s not that I think I am going to get all these things. I just want the possibility of getting them. The possibility that things are going to change. I want to be the change I want to see in the world. I want to change the world. I want to make a difference. 

Well, there goes the rest of my summer. And fall. And Winter...

We had a softball game Tuesday. Exciting stuff. Til I got up to my first at bat, and tore my ACL. I had a couple of flexibility tests done on it that night, and I need to get a CT/MRI to confirm it, but we're pretty certain that it's torn, or at the very least, a severe strain. So I'm on crutches til Monday at the very very earliest. And then 6 months of recovery, if I don't have to have any surgery, and up to a year if I do. So softball is over. Skiing is most likely over. :( Everything that makes me, me, is done. At least for the next 6-12 months...

I'm afraid of relationships... relationships of any kind... friends, family, boys... anything. Because everyone has let me down... especially family. Everyone I had ever cared about, and stuck my neck out for, has left without a look back. Missy was the biggest one. I cared like crazy. And she knew everything about me... and then out of the blue, she was done with me. Done. Over. The same thing is happening with Christine right now. And I'm afraid that its going to happen to Tessie. Because she told me the other day that I'm her best friend. And every best friend I have ever had, has cut me off for bigger and better people. I really like Tess... she's a really great person, and she treats me like a person that's worth something. I just can't be let down by one more person...

I feel like the giving tree...

The tree loves that boy so much. Whatever the boy wanted, the tree gave it. And the boy takes, and takes, and takes until all that's left is a stump. And thats how I feel... I love people so much... especially Missy... that I give and give and give, until I'm just a stump. And I just keep giving... and keep getting left behind.

I have the greatest friend in the world...

My friend Tess is officially the greatest person in the entire world. Here is why.

She was having a bad day, and apparently, I made it better. By giving her a cold Dr. Pepper, a Pie breadstick, and listening to her talk. But she really had an impact on me, she talked me through a lot of things, and when she left, I didn't really feel any better, but I did know I had a friend on my side. A few hours later I missed a call from her. And when I heard her voicemail... not gonna lie, it made me cry a little bit. She made me feel worth it... like I'm worth something to the world. I feel like I've got a really great friend on my hands here... :D

I play fast pitch softball on Tuesdays. I absolutely LOVE to play softball... It's  pretty much the love of my life. :D But seriously... Its been the greatest outlet of negative energy this summer. We have our games on Tuesdays, and then we will have practices on Mondays and Thursdays. Almost no one comes to the practices, but its fine with me, because I get some really good fielding practice. Already, I have seen a HUGE difference in my fielding because of the high amount of balls, and one-on-one practice I have gotten. When I was in high school, I was mainly a catcher, but I've getting more reps at 3rd, because Tessie is our catcher. I LOVE playing 3rd. I fit really well there. Because I was a catcher, I have a great arm, and quick reflexes... so I am quick enough to scoop up a slapped ground ball, and have the strength to throw the ball across the field to Keni at 1st. Our team isn't exactly what you'd call a championship contender, but we have fun with it, and that's all that matters. Our success has also been ham-stringed by the fact that our team, made up of girls up to 7 years out of high school, is playing against high school teams, that have been playing together on that level all spring. But it's fun, and that's all that matters to me. We're thinking about getting a slow pitch team together for the fall... I hope we do!!

So even though I didn't have the greatest day today... Tessie, made it better, and showed me that I'm worth it, and that I'm worth loving, and caring about. And that makes me smile!

Life is full of setbacks. Success is determined by how you handle setbacks.

I've been having some fun tonight, because I'm just out of my zone. I'm just out of everything. I'm drained all outta happy. So here is some happy that I found along the way.

This picture makes my whole life... because it's totally me. I'm a big time skier. I'm in love with my moped. And it's old school. And I'm lovin' it. Someday I'll get my picture taken like this. And maybe someday I'll be as legit as she is!

This is something a friend put together for me a while ago. This is definitely me too. The actual picture isn't me, its Ellen Page, but it kinda looks like me, and it has my favorite colors in it. But its me, surrounded by my first love. Music. I play the piano... and I love it! I play the music, I write the music... I love the music. And she found all black and white pictures to surround the only one in color, me.

And then this is one that I made for me. It's my name, and then another picture of Ellen Page... and the quote from Juno, "I don't really know what kind of girl I am." That quote sums me up pretty darn well... Just makes me smile. :)

And here's a few happy things I saw today, and wrote down.

• "Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself."
• The world is changing at such a rapid rate that waiting to implement changes will leave you 2 steps behind."
• Friend's are more important than money."
• "The pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness."
• "Do one thing a day that scares you."
• Drink fresh water and as much water as you can. Water flushes unwanted toxins from your body and keeps your brain sharp."
• "Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself."
• "Breathe deeply and appreciate the moment. Living in the moment could be the meaning of life."
• "Jealousy works the opposite way you want it to."
• "That which matters the most should never give way to that which matter the least."
• "Stress is related to 99% of all illness."
• "Dance, sing, floss, and travel."
• "The conscious brain can only hold one thought at a time. Choose a positive one."
• "A daily hit of athletic-induced endorphins gives you the power to make better decisions, helps you be at peace with yourself, and offset stress."
• "Creativity is maximized when you're living in the moment."
• "Nature wants us to be mediocre because we have a greater chance to survive and reproduce. Mediocrity is as close to the bottom as it is to the top, and will give you a lousy life."
• "Visualize your eventual demise. It can have an amazing effect on how you live for the moment."

Just thought I would share those... because I like them a lot, and I think some other awesome people might like it too :)

Chocolate can heal all wounds... but scars still remain.

I have the best guy in the world right now. He knew that I was having a hard day from last night, and he came over, and he brought over his homemade chocolate pretzels. And by homemade, I mean it. He spent an hour or so making them for me, and then brought them to me. And then stayed for an hour an watched Mythbusters with me, and then did some magic tricks for Abby. So he's gained her trust, which makes me know that he is a good guy. Because she is so intuitive, and she knows who's good and who's bad. She's telling me that he's a good man. And he's the kind of guy I can see myself marrying. Which, for the record, scares the hell outta me. But its true. 

And the chocolate helped with my bad day... it really did. The chocolates were flippin amazing, and he was flippin amazing... because he cared enough to bring them to me. But the chocolate didn't heal everything. I'm still hurt, and I'm still upset. I talked to Tess, and she said that I should write a letter to Christine... a letter that I won't ever give to her, because its not for her, its for me. Its for me to get all my words and anger out, so when I actually talk to her, I won't say something stupid that I'll regret. But if we're being honest... all writing that letter did was make me mad. And now all I want to do is scream at her. Which isn't good. Because once I start yelling... I don't stop.

My life is ridiculous right now... I hate my life right now...

I'm just gonna get right down to the chase... because nothing's gonna matter anymore from this. Not to mention that I can't vent about this to anyone... not to Tess, because its also her best friend, not to Missy, because I might as well me dead to her, and not to Christine, because she's the one being a b****.

I had a fantastic day today. I slept in, went to the aviary with Abby, went and hung out with Tessie and Pixie, ate pizza and ice cream, AND I played softball... got hit in the ankle by a line drive, but it doesn't matter, because I had a wonderful day! And then we decide to go see Transformers 3 in 3D at midnight. Awesome right? That's what I thought. Tess calls Christine and Todd to see if they want to come, and they do. I also invited Ben, the boy I'm dating, because I knew that this was a movie that he would enjoy.

Well... they get here, and we take their car because they get the best gas mileage, and they could fit all of us in their car. We get going, and I'm talking, and all of a sudden, Christine calls out, "Ellen! You're talking really loud!". I had no idea... my voice naturally projects... I know this... but I had no idea that it was loud right then. I shut up. I stop talking, and when I do decide to open my mouth, I make sure I'm dead quiet. We start talking about Friday Night Lights... and Tessie accidentally told me something about the show I hadn't seen yet, and Christine yelled at us about it. Tess could tell I was upset, even Andy could tell I was upset. Once we got to the theater, everyone got out of the car, and we started walking towards the theater, but Christine didn't get out of the car. Todd waited for her, but me and Tess honestly didn't know she wasn't right behind us. She looked pretty upset about it. Once we got into the theater and met up with Ben, and were getting towards our seats, I noticed Ben wasn't behind me, he was behind Todd, and Christine. So I stepped far out of the way, so they could go in, and so I could sit next to Ben. My date. And she looked at me like I was the worst person in the world, and rose her voice, in the theater... in front of I don't know how many people, and told me to "just go" and had Ben stumble in after me... I honestly looked at Tess, and said that if she yells at me one more time, that I'd shoot her. And I wasn't kidding... I was so upset...

After the movie, we were walking out, and I asked Ben for a ride home.

1. Because it just didn't make sense to have Christine drive us all out to Taylorsville, and then have Tess drive me back out to downtown to take me home.
2. Because I sure as heck was NOT going to sit in that car with the awkward silences, and the big elephant in the room, and know that it has everything to do with me...

I told him that I would need to get my bag out of the car, and she apparently overheard that, because when I told her that I needed to get my bag, she said, "yeah, I heard you.". Didn't turn around. Didn't look at me. And sure as heck didn't say it quietly. I just cut myself off. Stopped in my tracks. Got my bag, and left. I kept my cool for Ben. But the second I walked in my front door, I broke down. Just let all the tears, and anger go. I tried calling Tess, but she didn't answer... I've cried all night. 

The thing about it, is that I have absolutely no idea what I have done to hurt her. None whatsoever. She won't talk to me. She won't look at me. I'm scared of her right now... and I'm so scared that I'm on my way to losing another really great friend within the last 2 months... I like to think sometimes that I have a pretty strong little ego... but not when it comes to this... Because if I lose her too... I don't know what I would do....

I'm lonely. I'm lonely, I'm hurt, and I'm lost. 

Lonely...

I'm in a brand new town. With brand new people. I'm in a city with 1,130,293 people in it... and a week after I move here, I got dropped by my best friend, Missy... for reasons I keep to myself, because I don't know how to understand them, much less explain them to anyone else. She introduced me to 3 people. Of those 3 friends she introduced me to, before she threw me to the dogs, one is amazing, I couldn't hid that if I tried with all my heart and soul. She is a fantastic friend, and she will be blessed a thousand times over. Another doesn't know I exist because he is so entangled in his own Hollywood good looks and award winning charm. So I've stopped trying. And the last has admitted that she really doesn't want me around.

I love Christine. She can be a fantastic friend. She's helped me move, she's helped me smile when I couldn't remember how, and she's been one of the greatest role models I have, of how to be the best Latter-day Saint woman I can be. And yet, she can get in a mood, and she can be mean, and rude, and tear me down like a Jenga Tower. She's told Tess that if she knows that I'll be hanging out with them, that she probably won't be too talkative. She's been wanting to talk to me about some things... she asked Tess to not tell me, and I respect that.  But I don't know what I've done to hurt her. I don't know what I've done to offend her. I just don't know what I've done. And it hurts.

She also has said that she can't trust me based upon my past... a past that she had nothing to do with. A past that she's only heard about through Missy... someone who stabbed me in the back. She needs to get to know me, from me. Not from anyone else. And she won't give me the opportunity to show her how amazing I can be. Because I can be an awesome person. I've made mistakes, and I continue to make mistakes everyday. I work hard to be the best person I can be. I am working so hard to be a worthy member of the Church, and to keep a recommend. But I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes. And I feel so awful about myself when I feel like someone is judging me based on the past... when they haven't seen the present.

Well... that's enough of my ranting... I'm just frustrated. And I'm probably over thinking everything... I hope I'm over thinking this. Because I don't think I can take losing another friend right now... my life is too unstable to lose one more person that means something to me. Because she means something to me.

We all need a little happiness...

I've had a crappy day... I decided to not go to church this morning... I was tired, and feeling lazy, so I decided I would be better off without today. WRONG! Pretty much the stupidest decision of my week. Not to mention that I missed out on flirting with the hot, sexy, man candy, Australian boy from my ward... that alone probably would have improved my day. ;) So instead, I moped around most of the day til Tess made my day by taking me out and taking pictures, and riding around on my scooter downtown. And then I played a joke on Tess... by taking her up City Creek Canyon, and turned down a dark alley, and turned off my lights. She was not amused... :)

But I found some fun jokes on the internet and in magazines that I thought I'd share... here goes...

• One ship carrying blue paint collided with another ship carrying red paint. The crew is missing and believed to be marooned. :)
• Two cows, Daisy and Dolly, are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." Dolly says, "I don't believe you." "It's true," insists Daisy. "No bull." :)
• A young guy who's never picked up a golf club decides to take lessons. The pro shows him the basics, then says, "Okay, now try to hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice tees off and drives the ball 300 yards. It lands on the green, just inches from the hole. "Now what?" he says. "Uh," stammers the pro, "you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup." The beginner says, "Now you tell me." :)
• Our favorite restaurant has a waitress whose nametag reads "Beautiful." "Is that really your name?" I asked her. "No," she admitted. "But if people are going to holler at me all day, I can at least be called something I like." :)
• Scientists at the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine announced they have found a cure for baldness in mice. This is great news. Nothing looks more ridiculous than a mouse with a comb-over.
• A colleague's band performed in a park before an audience that gradually dwindled down to one lone man. After pounding out more songs, one of the tired musicians finally suggested to the music lover that if he left, they could all go home. "Do whatever you want," said the man. "I'm just waiting around so I can put away the chairs." :)
• A man drowned in a tub of milk with a banana in his ear. Authorities suspect a cereal killer. :)
• A toilet was stolen from the precinct. Police have nothing to go on. :)
• Someone broke a hole in the nudist colony's fence. Cops are looking into it. :)

Clear, concise headline are imperative to good news reporting. So what were the newspaper editors thinking when they printed these?

• Dead Man Ignored Police Officer (Scottsdale Arizona Republic)
• County Invited to Waste Day Planning Meeting (Oceana's [Michigan] Herald-Journal)
• Terror Leader in Iraq Declares War on Tape

Hope those brightened your day... they sure brightened mine.

There is one more thing to share however... I read PostSecret like crazy... I LOVE IT! But there was one particular one this week that was amazing... and it describes me to a T.

I'm Mormon, and I still think for myself. I do. I am free thinking, and I have my own opinions. So many people who are not members of the Church believe that we are a cult, and that everyone is forced to think and believe a certain way. And that just is not the case... The Church influences my opinions, and many times, I have the same opinion as the Church. But I still make my own opinions. I exercise my agency. C'mon... I'm a political science major for crying out loud! I'm about as opinionated as anyone can be! And I'm opinionated about EVERYTHING!!! :) I love it.... and it sure isn't changing anytime soon!

Here we go again...

Well, here we are again! I've decided to write a blog again... we'll see how well it works this time :) 

So... a lot has happened in the last few months. I moved from Cedar City to Salt Lake City... I live in the Aves and its pretty much the most legit neighborhood this city has ever seen! :) My truck died, so I bought a scooter... pretty much the most awesome decision I have ever made. It has fantastic gas milage... about 70mpg, and it gives me the greatest adrenaline rush... I no longer have any reason to be unhappy, because that thing is a natural high! I'm not playing co-ed slow-pitch softball this summer, but I am playing on a fast-pitch team.... heck to the YES!! I moved into the boundaries of the City Creek YSA ward, so far it seems to be a pretty awesome ward... largely credited to a very attractive Australian boy... complete with a hot, sexy, accent... ;) And I have a cat... well, he's not mine officially, but he might as well be... he sleeps in my room, and follows me around everywhere :) His name is Frank, and he looks like an ewok. Tess and I call him Frank the Tank, the famous Ewok Kitty :)

I'm starting at the University of Utah this fall, and I'm super excited about it. Better school, better program, and better job and internship opportunities. Yep... its sweet :)

Yeah... I've got nothing else to report. Sorry.