I'm just gonna get right down to the chase... because nothing's gonna matter anymore from this. Not to mention that I can't vent about this to anyone... not to Tess, because its also her best friend, not to Missy, because I might as well me dead to her, and not to Christine, because she's the one being a b****.
I had a fantastic day today. I slept in, went to the aviary with Abby, went and hung out with Tessie and Pixie, ate pizza and ice cream, AND I played softball... got hit in the ankle by a line drive, but it doesn't matter, because I had a wonderful day! And then we decide to go see Transformers 3 in 3D at midnight. Awesome right? That's what I thought. Tess calls Christine and Todd to see if they want to come, and they do. I also invited Ben, the boy I'm dating, because I knew that this was a movie that he would enjoy.
Well... they get here, and we take their car because they get the best gas mileage, and they could fit all of us in their car. We get going, and I'm talking, and all of a sudden, Christine calls out, "Ellen! You're talking really loud!". I had no idea... my voice naturally projects... I know this... but I had no idea that it was loud right then. I shut up. I stop talking, and when I do decide to open my mouth, I make sure I'm dead quiet. We start talking about Friday Night Lights... and Tessie accidentally told me something about the show I hadn't seen yet, and Christine yelled at us about it. Tess could tell I was upset, even Andy could tell I was upset. Once we got to the theater, everyone got out of the car, and we started walking towards the theater, but Christine didn't get out of the car. Todd waited for her, but me and Tess honestly didn't know she wasn't right behind us. She looked pretty upset about it. Once we got into the theater and met up with Ben, and were getting towards our seats, I noticed Ben wasn't behind me, he was behind Todd, and Christine. So I stepped far out of the way, so they could go in, and so I could sit next to Ben. My date. And she looked at me like I was the worst person in the world, and rose her voice, in the theater... in front of I don't know how many people, and told me to "just go" and had Ben stumble in after me... I honestly looked at Tess, and said that if she yells at me one more time, that I'd shoot her. And I wasn't kidding... I was so upset...
After the movie, we were walking out, and I asked Ben for a ride home.
- Because it just didn't make sense to have Christine drive us all out to Taylorsville, and then have Tess drive me back out to downtown to take me home.
- Because I sure as heck was NOT going to sit in that car with the awkward silences, and the big elephant in the room, and know that it has everything to do with me...
I told him that I would need to get my bag out of the car, and she apparently overheard that, because when I told her that I needed to get my bag, she said, "yeah, I heard you.". Didn't turn around. Didn't look at me. And sure as heck didn't say it quietly. I just cut myself off. Stopped in my tracks. Got my bag, and left. I kept my cool for Ben. But the second I walked in my front door, I broke down. Just let all the tears, and anger go. I tried calling Tess, but she didn't answer... I've cried all night.
The thing about it, is that I have absolutely no idea what I have done to hurt her. None whatsoever. She won't talk to me. She won't look at me. I'm scared of her right now... and I'm so scared that I'm on my way to losing another really great friend within the last 2 months... I like to think sometimes that I have a pretty strong little ego... but not when it comes to this... Because if I lose her too... I don't know what I would do....
I'm lonely. I'm lonely, I'm hurt, and I'm lost.
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