And The Results Are In....

Well I went to the doctor yesterday. And the verdict is in... I have a torn ACL and a severe MCL sprain. This is what the inside of your knee looks like... :D

Now the part in the blue is your ACL ligament, and the one in green that you can barely see is your MCL ligament. They are 2 of the 4 major ligaments that hold your knee together. And these ligaments, the ACL in particular, is what gives your knee stability... it allows me to make quick cuts, and turns, and everything while playing sports. After tearing it though, I can feel everything being very unstable... its almost like I can feel it wanting to buckle out from under me. Which is bad...

So I went to the doctor yesterday. They took a CT scan, but it wasn't clear enough to see exactly what was going on in there, so they took an MRI scan. The MRI confirmed that I tore the ACL, but they still aren't sure if it needs surgery, so they put me in this big huge brace (see picture below) and are waiting to see if it starts healing on its own, and if it does, I won't be needing any surgery. Which would pretty much be the greatest thing in the entire world. But while I was there, the doc told me that if I would have rotated any farther when I did this, I would have torn the MCL too. Which is kinda nuts. But the recovery time is anywhere from 3-12 months... it all depends on how well I stick to the rehab, and to everything the doc tells me. Which means I'm gonna need Tess's help so I don't cheat. Because in the last 36 hours, I've done alot of cheating. And thats no good. Because I know I'm done with softball for the summer, and fall. But I could possibly be ready for ski season, if I'm ready to go by 6 months... by 6 months, it'll be January/February, and that'll leave the last half of the season. I am hoping that I can make that deadline... because in the winter, all I do is go to school, go to work, and ski. I rock the ski bum look!!!

But anyways... this is what I'm going to be stuck with for the next couple of months, and then a lot of PT, and everything else... 

But, I'm making ski season this year baby! Ski season 2011-2012! YEAH!!!

Well, there goes the rest of my summer. And fall. And Winter...

We had a softball game Tuesday. Exciting stuff. Til I got up to my first at bat, and tore my ACL. I had a couple of flexibility tests done on it that night, and I need to get a CT/MRI to confirm it, but we're pretty certain that it's torn, or at the very least, a severe strain. So I'm on crutches til Monday at the very very earliest. And then 6 months of recovery, if I don't have to have any surgery, and up to a year if I do. So softball is over. Skiing is most likely over. :( Everything that makes me, me, is done. At least for the next 6-12 months...

I'm afraid of relationships... relationships of any kind... friends, family, boys... anything. Because everyone has let me down... especially family. Everyone I had ever cared about, and stuck my neck out for, has left without a look back. Missy was the biggest one. I cared like crazy. And she knew everything about me... and then out of the blue, she was done with me. Done. Over. The same thing is happening with Christine right now. And I'm afraid that its going to happen to Tessie. Because she told me the other day that I'm her best friend. And every best friend I have ever had, has cut me off for bigger and better people. I really like Tess... she's a really great person, and she treats me like a person that's worth something. I just can't be let down by one more person...

I feel like the giving tree...

The tree loves that boy so much. Whatever the boy wanted, the tree gave it. And the boy takes, and takes, and takes until all that's left is a stump. And thats how I feel... I love people so much... especially Missy... that I give and give and give, until I'm just a stump. And I just keep giving... and keep getting left behind.

I have the greatest friend in the world...

My friend Tess is officially the greatest person in the entire world. Here is why.

She was having a bad day, and apparently, I made it better. By giving her a cold Dr. Pepper, a Pie breadstick, and listening to her talk. But she really had an impact on me, she talked me through a lot of things, and when she left, I didn't really feel any better, but I did know I had a friend on my side. A few hours later I missed a call from her. And when I heard her voicemail... not gonna lie, it made me cry a little bit. She made me feel worth it... like I'm worth something to the world. I feel like I've got a really great friend on my hands here... :D

I play fast pitch softball on Tuesdays. I absolutely LOVE to play softball... It's  pretty much the love of my life. :D But seriously... Its been the greatest outlet of negative energy this summer. We have our games on Tuesdays, and then we will have practices on Mondays and Thursdays. Almost no one comes to the practices, but its fine with me, because I get some really good fielding practice. Already, I have seen a HUGE difference in my fielding because of the high amount of balls, and one-on-one practice I have gotten. When I was in high school, I was mainly a catcher, but I've getting more reps at 3rd, because Tessie is our catcher. I LOVE playing 3rd. I fit really well there. Because I was a catcher, I have a great arm, and quick reflexes... so I am quick enough to scoop up a slapped ground ball, and have the strength to throw the ball across the field to Keni at 1st. Our team isn't exactly what you'd call a championship contender, but we have fun with it, and that's all that matters. Our success has also been ham-stringed by the fact that our team, made up of girls up to 7 years out of high school, is playing against high school teams, that have been playing together on that level all spring. But it's fun, and that's all that matters to me. We're thinking about getting a slow pitch team together for the fall... I hope we do!!

So even though I didn't have the greatest day today... Tessie, made it better, and showed me that I'm worth it, and that I'm worth loving, and caring about. And that makes me smile!