28 October 2013


Modesty... let's talk about it.

Now... before you jump all over me about this, and start calling me an apostate and a whore (ok fine... most of you don't call me a whore), I'm all for people dressing modestly. Seriously. Cross my heart, hope to die (No needles in my eye though... those mofo's give me the creeps).

But seriously, all sarcasm aside... I love it when people dress modestly. It shows the world that you show yourself dignity and respect. And it generally means that you treat others with the same dignity, and the same respect. I'm all for that. Also... take note that I did not direct any of this exclusively towards women.

For me personally, I have always dressed "modestly". I had the strapless dress at Homecoming and Prom, and the occasional tank top on the beach to show off my rockin' body, but I had always been a t-shirt and jeans; hoodie and boardshorts kind of girl. Hell... it was my mom's greatest goal in life to get me to wear anything that emphasized my womanly curves.


What I find ironic, is that when I was in high school, the lack of bared skin labeled me as a prude. After I joined the Church though... those bare shoulders turned me into Potifer's wife.

The Church is obsessed with modesty. It is obsessed with what women wear, or don't wear. We teach our young women that they alone are responsible for keeping the "priesthood holders" clean and worthy, and that we alone are at fault when they look at us with leering eyes. We teach our young women that modesty is directly connected with their virginity virtue, and that their virginity virtue is directly connected with their marriage potential. We teach our young women that their virginity virtue is everything, and that if they lose it, they will be a chewed piece of gum, a shattered vase, a crushed rose, and a dozen other horrific analogies.

Stop it already!! Men know how to control themselves... and if they don't... well, there's something much more serious going on. And trust me... I know that beautiful women in bikini's are hard to keep your eyes off of, but if I can keep it in my pants, so can the guys. We are all taught about inappropriate touching and respecting others as kids. Those rules still apply throughout adolescence and adulthood.

I vividly remember one of my very first Sunday's attending my Singles Ward after being baptized. I was poor. I was SO poor that ramen noodles and goldfish with a glass of water had become the center of my diet. Because I was poor, and because of the circumstances in which I moved to Utah, I did not have much to my name. I had one three year old skirt that no longer fit, and I had a bunch of my famed hoodies and shorts. I had no church clothes. But I did have dress slacks. So I wore pants before it was cool. But it was NOT cool with the Bishop, the Patriarch and the Relief Society President who was counseled to "talk to me" about what's appropriate for the Lord's house.

I was mortified. And I stopped attending my ward. The missionaries went a little haywire, and so did my roommates who were just so excited to have a new convert move into their apartment. But I stopped coming. And I went to another ward where people didn't care.

Modesty isn't about the clothes you wear. Modesty isn't about your virginity. If you carry yourself with dignity and deal with your fellow men and women with kindness and fairness, then you are living a modest life. If you strive to live within your means, and not be flamboyant and ostentatious, then you are living modestly. Modesty is about the life you live, and the person you strive to be... and it has nothing to do whatsoever with the length of your shorts, or the covers on your shoulders.


  1. Thank you for a very good posting. You are right about how much pressure is put on modesty in the Church. I can see some of their points but I cannot see them to the point where a individuals self esteem is battered and then they no longer attend Church because they have lost that "glow" that they say that we Mormons have. It is not right to take the "light" of Christ from anyone. It is a gift from Christ and not one that should be guilt tripped from no one. Thank you so much and I hope there are some Mormon women reading this and can finally take a breath of fresh air...

  2. I have come to appreciate you very much. I look forward to all your posts. They come from the heart whether right or wrong or somewhere in between. I read a post somewhere about what Mormons could learn from a Catholic Pope about modesty. The author, a female, shared how modesty must come to mean more than just how girls dress and having been involved with young men there is a focus on them; albeit, not as great as on the young women. We had a sister in our ward who was heavy set, wore clothes that were modest but looked second hand and she had hair dyed a shade of pink that I can't describe. I would say she was in her late 30's. Now, I have seen the gospel change the outward appearance of many converts but this sister never did. She always had her scriptures and would read them when called upon. She died not too long ago and I will forever remember her that in spite of her outward appearance not changing her inner person did. She was a model Mormon with a very sincere heart. She was always welcomed in our military ward. She was given rides when needed and aided in many other ways. It's a good thing that God looks upon our heart and not our outward appearance such as many did in the days while Jesus walked the earth.

  3. 1. Gorgeous pictures of yourself. You are one hot, smoking hot, woman. Hubba hubba!

    2. All anyone has to do is read Elizabeth Smart's accounts of some of what she went through when she was kidnapped- she often thought about messages she had been given in church about women losing their virginity, that they WERE like that piece of chewed gum that no one would or could ever want. She sometimes felt that because of what was happening to her, against her will, that she was not worth anything. That is so awful I cannot even find words for it- she was kidnapped, going through such awful, horrific things every day, and there she was, a young teenager, on top of everything, worrying about not being of worth or having any value because of the things that that monster did to her daily. Thank goodness she was able to rise above those "wrong lessons" and knew her value had nothing to do with what he did to her.

    3. And, I love that you pointed out the wrong perception of how and what we teach our young women about their supposed responsibilities: "We teach our young women that they alone are responsible for keeping the "priesthood holders" clean and worthy, and that we alone are at fault when they look at us with leering eyes." So not true.

    I remember while serving my mission to southern Germany, in our district were my companion and myself, our two zone leaders, and two other elders. One day, at church, one of the elders (not the zone leaders) passed me a note. He asked me to button up my top button of my blouse. I was livid and in fact, unbuttoned a button or two to show him that he did not get to tell me what to do or not to do in regards to how I wore my clothing. My companion got after me and told me he was just trying to "live right" and that I "should help him". I disagreed SO much- I was already being modest. Buttoning up one more button was going to render breathing impossible for me. Plus, it was NOT my responsibility to keep him from looking places he should not be looking. It angered me more than anything. I was VERY slow to do ANYTHING he requested despite my companion's efforts otherwise.

    4. Loved your post. You are a terrific writer, you stand behind what you write, you bring great ideas to the forefront, and I like what a strong woman you are in your beliefs and stances. Good on you!

    Happy night! ;)

    P.S. Thank you for liking my blog. I am truly humbled that you even want to read it. :) Thank you.

    1. Well... Yeah... You're awesome ;)

      Those pictures are (sadly) outdated. 7 years ago I was playing varsity soccer and was in the best shape of my life. Then I went to college, and gained my freshman 15 (plus two that belonged to my roommates!)

      I just don't understand the idea that women are responsible for the sexual thoughts of men. But are the men responsible for the sexual thoughts of women? No. Double standards...

      And honestly, someone who dresses like a $2 hooker, generally isn't all that physically attractive when dressed in that way... Definitely does NOT get me going.

      Cure for my lesbianism? ;)

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  5. In priesthood WE are taught that WE MEN are alone responsible for keeping OURSELVES clean and worthy, and that WE ALONE are at fault when WE look at women with leering eyes. Don't believe me? Watch ANY general priesthood meeting.

    I also believe that if a man finds revealing clothing on a woman to be tempting him to immoral thoughts and/or feelings, then he should avoid the woman altogether (especially if the woman is of the opinion that she shouldn't cover up for him). Therefore it would be wise for women to cover up as to not scare away all the virtuous guys and attract all the shallow womanizers.

    Scolding a woman for wearing dress slacks to church (regardless of financial status) is itself shallow.

  6. I liked you post, it was very eloquent. As an LDS man living in Hawaii, there is a lot of people walking around all year long showing a lot of skin. And it is MY responsibility to not objectify women. It is my responsibility to keep my thoughts out of the gutter.

    But just like everything else in life, ours is not to judge the heart and the intent of our brothers and sisters. If you feel modest then you should not be ashamed for what you are wearing. You should not change for other people.

    But we ALL should change for Christ. He knows our hearts and if we would be comfortable wearing certain clothes, participating in activities, or whatever the case maybe with Him around then we are not in the wrong...but if we don't then WE should change.