I Am Free At Last - Marriage Equality For Utah

It happened. I honestly didn't think that this would happen while I was still in my twenties, or even in my thirties... and I certainly never expected it to be within the year that DOMA was struck down.  But after years of fighting and getting ourselves out there... showing that we are normal members of society and that we have the same capacity to love and cherish a spouse and raise beautiful children, Utahns have gained the right to get married in the state that we love. Judge Robert J. Shelby, District Judge for the United States District Court for the District of Utah wrote in his 53 page decision, "The state’s current laws deny its gay and lesbian citizens their fundamental right to marry and, in so doing, demean the dignity of these same-sex couples for no rational reason. Accordingly, the court finds that these laws are unconstitutional."

Couples are lined up at city hall in Salt Lake County, Davis County, and Cache County. Seth
Anderson and his husband Michael Ferguson were the first couple to be married, and in early reports it looks like over 200 liscences have been issued. Salt Lake City Mayer Ralph Becker has announced that he will stay all night if nessessary to perform marriage ceremonies.

Seth and Michael

 

Mayer Ralph Becker

 

I am so proud of my city!! I am proud to be a citizen of this great state.

The state of Utah has already filed an appeal from the 10th Circuit Court of Appeals, and filed for an immediate stay of the ruling. As far as I'm able to see... a stay has not yet been granted, but we'll see if one comes through tomorrow morning. While it's disapointing, it was certainly expected. I hope and pray that the pathetic reasons that are being argued in support of discrimination, will be swept aside. And if they do stand, I hope they refuse to issue marriage liscences to couples who are no longer of child bearing age, and refuse to allow couples to have children, when they won't follow "responsible procreation" or be raised in "optimal child rearing enviornments".

When I heard the news, I was sitting at my desk at work, and immediately after I read the message from a friend alerting me of the news, I started crying. Tears streaming down my cheeks, and a huge smile spread across my face. I'm sure I looked like a fool. But it was one of the most monumental moments of my life.

The Church has also made a statement after the announcement, "The Church has been consistent in it's supporter of traditional marriage while teaching that all people should be treated with respect. This ruling by a district court will work its way through the judicial process. We continue to believe that voters in Utah did the right thing by providing clear direction in the state constitution that marriage should be between a man and a woman and we are hopeful that this view will be validated by a higher court"

 

 

One day I hope that the Church I love so much will one day recognize the words of our Savior, quoted from John, "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another." It is also my hope that the leadership reads the declaration given by Joseph Smith on August 17, 1835 in the 134th section of the Doctrine and Covenants. Verse 4 reads, "We believe that religion is instituted of God; and that men are amenable to him, and to him only, for the exercise of it, unless their religious opinions prompt them to infringe upon the rights and liberties of others..." Verse 9 reads, "We do not believe it just to mingle religious influence with civil government..." We are a Church that has faced discrimination in the past, with a extermination order issused against us. We know, more than many religious and civil groups, the bitter sting of discrimination under the law.

Today, I am recognized as normal. I will be able to call my (one day) wife, my wife! I won't have to call her my "partner". Partner has always felt cold, distant, and not real. Now I can say I'm "married" without it being a lie. I'll be married rather than being eternally engaged to my girlfriend. I am now protected by law... laws without any pretty exceptions that they have to put in there so that people cannot deny me a home, or employment solely based on my sexuality.

I am free. No one can cage me now.

Denigrate The Body to Elevate The Spirit

I've come up with an idea. It originated with the ideas and beliefs of Joseph Smith regarding spiritual embodiment, but I've started to expound on it, and put it into a context that's not only applicable to me but to anyone who is gay, or an ally. Instead of denigrating the things of the body in order to elevate the things of the spirit, Joseph Smith always argued that it was the successful incorporation of both, that culminated a fullness of joy.

That's the theory. As a gay Mormon, one who obviously believes that there is room in the Church, and it's doctrine for gay members to be completely equal and have all of the same privileges and rights as their heterosexual brothers and sisters, I use this theory in that context.

Most people know that the Church's official doctrine and counsel for gay members of the Church is to be celibate. Simply being gay, (or Same-Gender Attracted, as the Church prefers to say) is not a sin. But acting upon the feelings, is. If you remain celibate and not give in to the "sin" of homosexuality, you will blessed, and will be resurrected in the last day.

My argument, is that the Church can fully embrace LGBT members... letting them be married (including temple marriage), and raise a family, and participate fully in the Church, just as their heterosexual counterparts do.

Devout Mormon's who are straight more often than not, will get married in an LDS temple, to achieve a celestial marriage... meaning that there is no "til death do us part", but that your marriage will continue into the eternities. It is considered an essential ordinance (similar to a Catholic Sacrament) in our journey to become like God. For LGBT Mormons, most cannot honestly enter into a heterosexual marriage, therefore they do not receive those ordinances in the Gospel.

Single heterosexual members of the Church will always have hope that tomorrow they will meet the man/woman of their dreams and they'll get married, and be able to express those physical feelings of love for their spouse. While they are still unmarried and dating, you can still hold hands and kiss... cuddle etc. but you cannot have sex. That principle applies to all single, unmarried Mormons, regardless of sexual orientation. But the straight members still have hope. If you decide to stay single and celibate, for whatever reason, you aren't "punished", there's no official Church doctrine that penalizes you. But in Mormon culture it's considered a little odd, because you have the access to the ordinance, but you don't use it. Marriage is everything in this Church... and the slightest hiccup in the process to Celestial Glory draws stares. And it's not always pretty.

Gay members? None of that. If you are committed to living celibacy, you do not have the hope of meeting your soul mate, because you have to deny yourself from looking and feeling. You cannot hold hands. You cannot kiss. You cannot have any sort of an emotional relationship. You are completely alone. And as a result, you do not receive all of the ordinances in the temple. And God forbid, if you do engage in the things of the body with someone of the same sex, you will have committed a mortal sin... one that's said to be next to murder. And that while you can "repent" of your sins, you will have on your membership records, an annotation... that says that you have engaged in homosexual behavior, and that annotation can only be erased by the First Presidency of the Church, and such action is rare. (Oh, and heterosexuals who participate in pre-marital sex, have no such annotation is permanently connected to their records.)

So I'm arguing, that you cannot say that some people are permitted to engage in the things of the body and that some are forbidden. You cannot say that the group who is permitted will be exulted, while saying that the group of people who is forbidden, will be exulted (assuming that they did indeed refrain from engaging). You cannot say that because the group who is forbidden, but engaged anyway, will be punished, and that the group who is permitted, but didn't, will be exulted, but less than those who did. It's not only a double standard, but I believe that it violates human compassion. And I believe that LDS Doctrine will one day permit the LGBT community to be fully active in the Church... despite it's current claim that it cannot.

One Small Step For Man, One Giant Leap For Mankind

Today the Supreme Court of the United States struck down key parts of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), and dismissed an appeal over California's Proposition 8, paving the way for same-sex marriage to resume. We took a major step in the right direction as a nation to stop morally based discrimination in our nation's laws.

Some people in this country oppose same-sex marriage based on a religiously influenced moral compass. (Or you just think it's "icky"). And that's OK. No one has to agree with everyone about people's personal moral opinions. When DOMA was argued in the U.S. House of Representatives in 1996, the purpose of the law was to express "both moral disapproval of homosexuality, and a moral conviction that heterosexuality better comports with traditional (especially Judeo-Christian) morality." The stated purpose of the law was to promote an "interest in protecting the traditional moral teachings reflected in heterosexual-only marriage laws." Were there any doubt of this far-reaching purpose, the title of the Act confirms it: The Defense of Marriage.

But I truly believe that the opinion of the Court is absolutely correct in saying that the Court can not uphold laws that are discriminatory based on a Judeo-Christian morality. While the vast majority of this nation is Christian (as am I), we must make clear that religiously/morally motivated laws that discriminate against people in this great nation, is not OK.

If you don't want to have a gay marriage, you don't have to have one. If you want to believe that "God Hates Fags", fine... you're protected by your First Amendment rights of Freedom of Religion and Freedom of Speech. But allow me my Fourteenth Amendment right of equal protection under the law.

This is what I posted on Facebook this afternoon, upon hearing about the SCOTUS decisions, and educating myself on them (no one likes to look like an idiot because they were uninformed about something). In the last 4 hours, I've been called subversive, an apostate, and have been told that I should leave the Church since, I obviously have no intentions of repenting of my sinful nature and behavior.

Just to name a few.

Sometimes it really sucks to be Mormon and gay. And a feminist. And an intellectual. And gay in general. Our Constitution has liberated the slaves, empowered women by granting them the right to vote. Its now protecting another minority group from suppression. All over my Facebook feed are conservative rants about how the Second Coming is at our doorstep... and that God will come to judge America with fire and brimstone for her sins. Some people even asserting that the Justices are just plain wrong.

Since, of course, these friends of mine are experts on Constitutional Law like the Justices are...

The 12th Article of Faith says that as members of Christ's Church, we sustain the law of the land. The 9th Article of Faith says that we believe that God has yet to reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God. Doctrine and Covenants 134:4 says that men are entitled to the practice of their religious opinions, so long as their opinions do not infringe upon the rights of others (and the other way around). Doctrine and Covenants 134:9 says that the Church does not believe it to be right to mingle religious influence with civil government.

But the members (and leadership) seem to have forgotten this.

Let me reemphasize that I am a believing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love the Gospel. I love my Heavenly Father, and I know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. I am asking anyone who reads this, to take very seriously the words of our Savior: Love one another.

Genesis 2:18-25

While I was still a closeted lesbian beginning to prepare for an LDS mission, I spoke with one of the missionaries I knew while I was still an investigator of the Church. I asked him how he approached the subject of homosexuality; especially with openly gay investigators. He told me that he would welcome them with love, but would still teach the doctrine of the Law of Chastity; that while sexual orientation itself is not sinful, all homosexual activity is, and that for any gay or lesbian person desiring to be baptized, and continue as a member in good standing, they would need to live a celibate lifestyle, or be engaged in a heterosexual relationship.

I am grateful that I have never had to teach someone that principle of doctrine. It simply would be too painful.         

Think about this for a minute. The Church has a single standard of morality that all members are to follow; abstinence from all sexual relationships prior to marriage with a person of the opposite sex. If a same-sex attracted individual was to follow that council, and cannot honestly engage in a heterosexual marriage relationship, then celibacy is the only way for them to continue their mortal and spiritual progression. They are as a result, companionless and alone.

But according to Genesis 2:18, it is not good for man to be alone. How can this be?

In the Garden of Eden, Adam lived in a perfect world. He possessed everything. He was in charge of the Garden of Eden, a manager of sorts. And Adam was “with God” He walked and talked with God through the Garden. He was not alone.

So when God proclaimed in Genesis 2:18 that it was not good for man to be alone, Adam must have been confused. After all, Adam was not alone! He was with God. How can someone be with God, and be alone at the same time? Adam must have wondered as well.

After Adam was told that it was not good to be alone, God creates the animals (Gen. 2:19). He brings them to Adam to be named. It is here (Gen. 2:20) that Adam realizes that there is no one “like him”, and for the first time, Adam feels alone. When Adam and Eve are presented to one another as companions (Gen. 2:23), Adam reacted with delight. This is illustrated by his statement, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.” Adam’s statement is wonderfully symbolic of the closeness and intimacy he felt with Eve.

Intimacy is God’s remedy to human aloneness. Intimacy replaced that sense of incompleteness and disconnectedness. It is not until after the Fall, that Adam and Eve would feel this aloneness again.

Many members of the Church shoot my argument down straight at the beginning, by saying, “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” And that is true, in a very literal interpretation. Hell, I even supported their argument by showing the amount of love, and closeness that Adam felt for Eve. That’s because Eve was suitable for Adam, and Adam was suitable for Eve.

Remember that these events are still before the Fall, before Adam and Eve were banished from the Garden by eating the forbidden fruit of the Tree of Good and Evil. So it is fair to say that they could not have experienced same-sex attraction, for they knew not pain or affliction. And for anyone who has experienced homosexual feelings, knows all too well the pain, anguish, and despair it causes.

Let’s look at what the word “help meet” means. In Genesis 2:18, God says He will make a help meet for Adam. In Hebrew, “help meet” translates to ‘ezer kanegdo. ‘Ezer translates to “aid”. Kanegdo traditionally translates to “meet for”, “fit for”, or “worthy of”. God gave Adam a help meet, someone who was suited to him, someone who was worthy to be with him.

Genesis 2:18-25, shows the importance that God gives to committed relationships. For a heterosexual, the only suitable companion is someone of the opposite gender. For a homosexual, the only suitable companion is someone of the same gender. To say that gays and lesbians should not form committed, intimate relationships is to say that it is good for (some) people to remain alone.

If it was not sufficient for Adam to be alone, in a perfect state of being, then why is it sufficient for those of us, who live in a fallen and forsaken world, who experience same-sex attraction? When religious doctrine dictates that such individuals must choose to enter into a heterosexual relationship, or remain celibate, is that doctrine not saying that it is good for such human beings to be alone? To lack the sort of intimacy with another human being Genesis 2:18 says is good? I humbly suggest, that the Bible correctly states that it is not good for men and women to be alone... regardless of race, sexual orientation, and gender identity.

Pride 2013

This weekend I had the privilege to march in the Utah Pride Festival's Pride Parade with a group called Mormons Building Bridges. MBB is a group of Mormons from all walks of life, all political affiliations, and all levels of active ness in the Church. But the one thing we all have in common, is love and acceptance for our LGBT family members, neighbors, and coworkers.

As I am still a believing Mormon, and an outspoken lesbian, I couldn't think of anyone better to march with, for my very first Pride Festival and Parade.

The experience was overwhelmingly positive, and loving. I marched so that people could see that one can be gay and Mormon. Or gay and religious in general. I marched so that I could help. But it was the people who lined the streets that helped me instead.

There were about 400-500 of us, which made us one of the largest participants (if not the largest). All dressed up in our Sunday best, and holding signs that have Family names, and Scripture passages, we held an opening prayer, and then we were off. I had barely walked for a half of a block, before I saw an older woman crying uncontrollably. As I got closer to her, I could see a CTR ring on her finger. I gave her the most heart-felt hug I could muster, as she choked back tears, and told me how thankful she was that we were there, and how much it meant to her. 

That's when I knew that this wouldn't be a normal parade.

As we marched, the streets were lined with people cheering, and clapping for us. Many people expressed their thanks, and appreciation. I gave many high fives, handshakes, and more hugs. I also got to see friends along the route, which made the experience that much more special.

Close to the end of the route, a young woman around my age came up to me, weeping. She gave me a hug, and then asked me if she could still have a relationship with God, even though she was gay. In those 30 seconds or so, I was able to bear my testimony of the Savior's love for us, and I instinctively recited this quote, "No matter who you are, or what you may have done, you can always pray." I have her one last hug, and a smile and I ran to catch up to the group.

When I got home, I looked up the quote, as I didn't know who said it. I was unbelievably surprised when I saw that I had quoted Elder Boyd K. Packer. After all of the discouraging, and down right hurtful things Elder Packer has said concerning people who are gay, I was so pleased to be able to offer his words as a comfort for this wonderful lesbian. It sure was fitting, and blissfully ironic.

My testimony grew. My heart grew. This parade spiritually uplifted me more than any other event in my life with the exception of my baptism. I encourage anyone who wants to be involved for next years parade, to do it. It was unbelievable. 

The Sanctity of Marriage

I was thinking about people's reasoning's for being against marriage equality the other day. People quote the Bible at me, or tell me that its just gross (unless its a guy that I'm talking to... then he's thinking "threesome"). But the one that I've been hearing most often, is that they are committed to securing the sanctity of marriage. Here's what I have to say to that:

"If you believe in preserving the sanctity of marriage, then relinquish your right to divorce."

Lets think about it... Larry King has been divorced 8 times to 7 different women! How's that for preserving the sanctity of marriage.

Or Kim Kardashian and Whats-His-Face... married for like 70 days. Brittney Spears and Whats-His-Face... married for 72 hours. And those are just celebrities... I personally don't expect much out of them. What about the average Joe who lives 2 doors down?

Here are some statistics from here in the US.

Percentages broken down by age:

• Under 20. Men: 11.7% Women: 27.6%
• 20-24. Men: 38.8% Women: 36.6%
• 25-29. Men: 22.3% Women: 16.4%
• 30-34. Men: 11.6% Women: 8.5%
• 35-39. Men: 6.5% Women: 5.1% 

The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage

• First Marriage: 41%
• Second Marriage: 60%
• Third Marriage: 73% 

Looks like Larry King is the poster boy of this statistic...

Now, I don't actually believe that divorce should be stripped from all lawfully wedding couples.... most people don't just get divorced for the fun of it... There is almost always a good reason for it. Melissa's parents are a prime example. There is no way to regulate who can/can't get a divorce, or why (kind of like abortion... but that's not the point). People deserve to end a marriage if they have to.

I believe that marriage is sacred. I believe that marriage is eternal and everlasting. Divorce is a complicated, and messy situation, and I believe that it should be avoided at all costs. Marriage is based on love. Based on sacrifice. There are millions of same-gender couples out there whose relationships last longer than most marriages out there. They love each other. They fight, and argue, and bicker just like everyone else. And they have the easy way out! They can just pack up their things and leave... they don't need a divorce to break up. But they stay in it. They fight for it. And they don't give up.

I got a new job about a month ago. And I was in the HR department filling out health insurance forms, and getting everything squared away. I asked about same-sex couples... not covered, because all of the insurance companies are run by the state government, who does not recognize same-sex marriages or civil unions. Nor is Melissa entitled to any spousal benefits, that would routinely be given to a spouse. While I was talking this over with the HR representative, she mentioned that her long-time boyfriend doesn't believe in marriage, so they are in a domestic partnership... so that they can enjoy all of the legal benefits of being married, without actually being married. 

I stared at her in disbelief... that would be enough for me. Fine... don't let us get married. Don't give us the word "marriage". I'll take "Civil Union" or "Domestic Partnership"... granted I would like the same word as everyone else... but whatever. I'll take what I can get. I just want to be able to take Melissa to the ER, and have her be covered by my insurance. I just want to have the right to sit next to her, and hold her hand... and have the legal right to be there. I want to have the right to be able make medical decisions if I have to. I want her to be able to receive my life insurance benefits. I want her to be able to inherit everything that I leave to her, without any of the insanely high estate taxes. I just want to be treated like everyone else.

How much is that to ask?