30 October 2012

New Ward

So I moved recently. Officially a month ago, but I had stopped really living there in August. I love my new house, and love that I'm living with Melissa... I don't have to deal with the Molly Mormon, "shove the Gospel down your throat", "you'll never achieve actual happiness if you fall in love with another woman" roommates again. So freaking glad.

I think the only thing I'm going to miss about living there, is the ward. I absolutely LOVED that ward. The people were amazing, and the Relief Society presidency was a life saver at times. The bishop... Yeah, won't miss him too much. I mean... He was a wonderful man, and he did so much for the ward members. But when it came to me... He should have approached the whole "lesbian" thing a lot different. Every time the subject was brought up in our bi-weekly meetings, it was always like this, "So lets talk about you thinking that you're gay." Thinking??? Trust me... I know. There are no if's, and's, or but's about it. Every General Conference talk, or Ensign article he would present to me would only make me feel more discouraged about where I belonged in this Church. He only emphasized things about me that were inherently wrong, and that needed to be remedied. Never anything that was good, or worthy. Never mind the fact that I joined this Church knowing that I was gay (I had admitted it only to myself, and honestly... I hadn't even admitted that I was "gay"... Just that I liked other girls). I knew I was gay, and I knew how this Church treated gays... Prop 8 made that very clear. Never mind my attempt to serve a mission. Never mind that despite how church leaders have treated me personally, and despite mountains of GC talks, Ensign articles, and other Church literature that make this part of my identity a "disease", an "affliction", and something that can be overcome, because its a "sin next to death"... I AM STILL HERE! I still walk into my meetings, with my head held high, I still participate in my Sunday School and Relief Society classes, and I still met with him every 2 weeks. I'm still here.

But now that I've moved, I'm in a different ward. And I'm excited... New people are always fun. But I'm scared that I'm going to have another bishop who is insensitive to the needs that I have. Or that I'll have a Relief Society president, or Sunday School teacher, or multiple people in the ward who are very anti-gay. I'll still be myself, and I'll still come out (at the appropriate moment of course... I'm not going to glitter bomb the ward in Fast and Testimony meeting this Sunday). But I'm scared... This church has an unforgiving history of discrimination, and using the Standard Works and other Gospel Literature to support their hateful and hurtful bigotry.

The advantage I have, however, is that I am in a singles ward. The younger generations are becoming more and more accepting (even within the Church), and that makes me feel a little more at ease.

We'll see how this Sunday goes.....


  1. glitter bomb fast & testimony meeting.. I think that would be a fast & testimony meeting that I don't feel like killing myself during.. which is how I usually feel when during them. It would be a welcome change through "thankfulmonies" and one-uppers.

  2. Hahaha!!! Well you tell me the Sunday that you'll be in Salt Lake, and I'll do it especially for you :) I hate Fast Sundays. Except when I go to a random family ward, where all the little kids get up. Then it just makes me baby hungry :)

  3. What a shock that your church hates your kind. What a shock that they hate and demean you every chance that they get. What's sad is that you keep returning to that Church that has allied with other churches to eliminate your rights to protect their "religious freedoms" (cause, you know, your kind ruin so-called "freedoms"). Why go to somewhere where people and their beliefs hate who you are? Never understand that about you people. God loves us all, regardless of how he made us. So why be in some religion where their leaders have Jesus' mandate to declare you evil? It's like all of your kind is some kind of abused victims and you keep returning to it cause you can't accept there might be something better out there. You have a girlfriend. No matter how much members like you, you still are breaking that group's rules. You are a sinner of a greater degree then them. That's pathetic for anyone to think that.

    From reading your post, I can only assume you're a good person. You going to spend the rest of your life trying to get love from a group that would toss you aside once you're not helpful to them? There are other groups and people in in those groups that would love and accept you. Why be in some group that teaches "love the sinner, hate the sin." I'll be praying for you.