09 October 2011

Today has just been one of those days...

I'm gonna vent for just a few seconds, if that's alright.... here we go.... 

I got my scooter fixed this week. They had f***ed it up 3 times before, but they "swore" they got it right this time. Well... the damn thing wasn't fixed. Again. Naturally I realize this 15 minutes before I have to be at work. So, I have to take TRAX to work, and am therefore, an hour late. Wonderful. I really can't afford to screw up with work, because I'm still the new girl, and I don't have any slack room. While at work, I'm just kinda down... my knee kills, I get chewed out by a customer for "stalking" him... pretty sure the guy was nuts. But whatever crazy dude... I didn't want to help you find a bike lock for your POS bike anyway. You won't need it anyway, no one is going to want to steal that piece of shiz! Get off work, and couldn't get to my friend Mikey's wedding reception, because I have no car. So I just take TRAX home. Both buses are late, and I end up accidentally taking the wrong line, so I walk the rest of the way in the cold. Got off of work at 5. Got home at 8. Wonderful. Watched "Warren Miller's PlayGround" to get myself into a better mood. Didn't help... it just made my soul ache for winter. Zac calls. Wants to hang out. I don't want to. All I want is to be by myself. But I let him come over, because I've been a horrible girlfriend, and he hasn't seen me in like, a week. Tess and Andy come home, and announce that Keni is coming over for a movie. That was good. I haven't seen her in like FOREVER. And I order pizza. Yum. Zac gets here. We watched "Anger Management". Worst movie I have ever seen in my life. It was awful. I cannot understand why people feel the need to put a disgusting sexual innuendo in every conversation. Me and Keni both thought it was the worst thing I had ever seen. So at least I wasn't alone in this. But through the whole movie, Zac was super cuddly, and PDA. We have been dating for like 2 weeks. Its the first time Andy, Tess, and Keni had ever met the guy, not to mention that I'm not big on the PDA thing anyways... even when I've dated a guy for months. So I'm pretty sure that he got annoyed with that one. The movie got over, and then everyone went home, and I went to bed, ultimately to get up and write this post. Yay.

Now to a happier note... I am starting to read the Wheel of Time series again. I finished Book 2: The Great Hunt, and now I am onto Book 3: The Dragon Reborn. I love these books. They are super legit! People keep talking about the books being made into movies. Its a pretty legit idea. I like the idea a lot. But the books are so detailed, and there are so many plot lines (there are 15 books to tie together all the plot lines for crying out loud! The author, Robert Jordan, had special editors for every main character, so he didn't mix stuff up!!) that they would have to cut out so much "fluff" to make the movie short enough to watch, that they would lose too much of it. Not to mention, that I have mental images of what all the characters should look like in my head, and it would be so hard for me to have to throw away the images in my head, for the faces, and voices that Hollywood gives me. Because they have a bad track record with me when it comes to ruining all my favorite book characters. :(

Back to Zac... I'm just not feeling it with him. We have a lot in common, but in all reality, we are nothing alike. We don't do the same things. We don't like the same movies. I don't even know how to describe most of it... but we are just not for each other.

And I feel bad for the kid because I'm not 100% into this. I'm still hung up on the last person that I dated. I miss him terribly, and I don't think that I will ever fully get over him... I believe that I will love someone similar to how much I loved him, but I don't think that I can ever love someone else, as I loved him. Every day, I long for his arms around me. Every day, I wish that I could bring him back. But I can't. He's gone, and I'll never get him back. He didn't want me. And he ran. It took a lot out of me, and it continues to. I know I need to let it go... it's in the past. But how can you let go of you're first love? How can you let go of your one, true love when you honestly, believe that he will be yours, and you will be his for the rest of your lives? You don't let go of them without a fight. You never let go.

What am I doing with my life? Why is it so hard for me to see what is good in my life, and what is uncontrollable? 

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