23 June 2013

It's A Beautiful Day

I went to church today for the first time today in almost a year. I attended a family ward, which was already a bit out of my element, since I've only attended singles wards. My new friend Corey, who I met through Mormons Building Bridges, invited me to attend her ward. She knew that I'm looking for an inclusive ward, and boy, did she deliver!!

Sacrament meeting was great, and Sunday School was good too... The teacher is a high school science teacher, so his lesson was actually instructing. If I would attend this ward regularly, his class would be the one I would attend. But it was Relief Society that really sealed the deal.

It started off with at least 5 people coming to introduce themselves to me before the lesson started. And because the ward is pretty small, everyone knew who I was by the end of the lesson. The lesson was on Elder Jeffery R. Holland's most recent General Conference talk, "Lord, I Believe". I couldn't have asked for a better lesson topic on my first day back. When I introduced myself, I openly admitted to being gay... I kind of use it as a litmus test... But it opened the door to me being able to bear my testimony, and say that I have my doubts and my questions. And that's ok. It's ok for me to be scared, and unsure. It's allowed me to say that I would rather be at church, even if I'm not in the "right" ward. It allowed me to open up and say why I'm "test driving" wards. It allowed me to be honest about myself, and not be scared of the reactions from people.

And I felt welcomed. For the first time in a very long time. I was uplifted, and I learned something new, and I made a new friend. I felt the Spirit strongly and clearly. And I would feel comfortable in this ward. Most likely. It's hard to tell because I haven't met the Bishop or his counselors yet, but I think I may have found a good ward. I am excited. Honestly excited.


  1. I'm glad you found a ward where you felt welcome!!! That talk is so wonderful, it's what I gave the lesson on in RS today, too! I love that Elder Holland really emphasizes that questions, and doubts are okay, but we need to remember to hold fast to the things that we do know, no matter how insignificant it may seem. I'm really glad you're coming back to church, Ellen.

    1. I'm glad too :) I never lost my testimony of the Gospel, but I had lost confidence in members of the ward to not be judge mental, and for the bishop to be objective, and fair. Elder Holland is by far my favorite Apostle, because his talks always "hit it where it hurts"... What I need to hear most, whether I want to hear it or not.

      You're awesome Erica :)

  2. Found your blog post through the Mormons Building Bridges group - I'm glad it was such a good experience! That's what it's supposed to be but sometimes it isn't. I too am in the process of coming back to church after a long absence (way more than a year, though.) Welcome back!

  3. Hooray! I'm so happy for you! I'm glad you feel like you can move forward - that's important for your self-esteem and personal validation.