14 June 2013

Joke Was On Me All Along...

Truth's out... Melissa had an affair. Complete with saucy text messages about how much they love each other, and plenty of other things that make me want to be sick. The drives to "clear her head" while we were breaking up, turned out to be engineered to go out and see her. The "innocent" kiss at Pride turned out to be not-so-innocent (The Pride Festival and Parade happened before Melissa and I broke up... we didn't break up for 4 more days). And all along through the break up, when I asked her directly if she was seeing and/or kissing Megan, I consistently got "no" as an answer. Even after I confronted her with the evidence. But yet again... It was a lie disguised as her "not wanting to hurt me anymore than she already has". Have they had sex? She says not yet... But they're in Heber this weekend, and I'm sure it's happened by now...

I was surprisingly calm when I found everything out in the early hours of Thursday morning... But knowing that I was cheated on really puts a wrench into me being cool, calm, and collected.

What I can't understand is how Megan has one bit of compassion or a conscience. She knew that Melissa was in love with me. She knew that she was engaged. Engaged to be MARRIED! Yet, she still pursued her, flirted with her, and seduced her. How does someone have no conscience about going after a "married" woman? There were emails where Melissa says she feels bad for hurting me, and Megan's response is, "You aren't a horrible person." I'm sorry, but she broke off our engagement because she had an affair. With you. You both should feel terrible. I think that Melissa does... But I think Megan is simply polishing her trophy, and not giving a damn who she stepped on and hurt to get to it.

I finally understand why people blame themselves when they're partner/spouse cheats and has an affair. I keep thinking about where Melissa and I would be if she didn't work at L's (where she met Megan). Or if I could've done something better... 

It's one thing for people to get cold feet in their relationship, especially when it's getting serious. It's pretty healthy to take a step back and re-evaluate what you want in your life. And that was what she told me in the beginning. 

In the waning days of our relationship, I noticed Melissa pulling away from me. I thought that she might not be attracted to me anymore. Whenever I'd touch her, or kiss her forehead, she always reacted like she didn't want me to touch her. When I asked her what was wrong she said nothing. I even asked her specifically, and she still said no... And she would say it in the most loving and affectionate way. But in reality, she was no longer attracted to me, and instead was attracted to that woman. Joke's on me. I had the wool pulled over my eyes, and was completely oblivious to what was going on under my nose.

I feel so pathetic.


  1. This hurts to read.
    You write well, also.
    I am married and have been for a few years or so. My husband and I have a good relationship, and, like you did with Melissa, we are able to confront each other when we feel things are amiss.
    He works at a restaurant serving tables. Even though he tells people he's married and continues to wear his ring people leave phone numbers ALL THE TIME. He gets flirted with, and people have even asked him for his number before. (It's like each of them are baiting him, even though he already has a good, solid relationship.)
    It drives me crazy, it really does.
    I completely agree with you. How can someone not care so much that they try and try and try and try to break up a good, solid relationship? Like I said, it drives me crazy.
    Now... I don't know Melissa at all. I don't know what she looks like. I don't know what she likes to do, eat, watch, whatever. I don't mean this to "bash" her because I really don't know her, but what kind of person does Megan think she's getting since Melissa left someone in a very serious relationship? What if Melissa does the same thing to her? Maybe that's not the case, but I've seen numerous time that someone who cheats doesn't usually stop cheating...

    Even though I don't know you, I'd love to hear your response to this... I'm always curious about what other people think about this. Thanks.
    Take time for yourself.

    1. It hurts to write.

      Thanks :) I've always been doubtful of my ability to write and have it make any sense.

      I understand that it drives you crazy. One or two times, you can write off as a compliment... people think your husband is hot, and YOU are married to him. It can definitely feel good to know that its not just you that thinks your spouse is hot. Melissa told me when she found out that Megan had a crush on her, and she reassured me that she didn't think that she was attractive, which calmed a lot of my insecurities at the time.

      For a while, I was thinking about trying to get her back, because I'm still in love with her. But the more I thought about it, the chances of her hurting me again, and hurting me worse, trump the good things that will come out of it. She's a good person... I know that it's hard to believe that anyone who cheats like this can be a good person, but she is. And I will continue to love her, but I'll love her like a best friend loves their best friend. It's going to be complicated, and for now I'm pretty much the most inappropriate best friend/roommate on the face of the planet. But one day, it'll happen, and we'll both be happy again.